A bittersweet Reunion

Raven opened his mouth to defend himself, but then the last question came out of Kotone’s mouth. This made him stop and close his mouth for a moment. He also closed his eyes and looked away from her. “I wanted to. But what would I have gained? I was a liar and a fool in your eyes. What could I have said? What could I have done?”

“The answer is nothing,” He stood up and shook his head slowly. “You needed Lamia scale in the end, not me apparently. Sure, we fought for months off and on. We didn’t know how else to convey how we felt. We were raised to be warriors after all.”

“I thought you were out to look like a hero,” He started walking again. He didn’t care about the food, or the company anymore. He just wanted to go burn off these feelings. He regretted everything. “But your heart was always in the right place.”

“I’m glad you’ve found them,” Raven said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “This fool wouldn’t have been able to help you, as badly as I wanted to. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I wanted to go after you back then. I just didn’t know what to do. And I regret not doing so.”

“What you could have done,” Kotone told Raven, not following. “Is to have proven to a girl who was doubting everything in her life at the time that something she thought was true.” At the time, she’d been going through a lot. Her pride had been irrevocably wounded, and she’d started to wonder about a lot of things, including why she’d been hanging out with someone who she had the strangest need to feel superior to. That much had been true. They were friends, yes, at least in her mind. She just didn’t know how to handle that, or to admit it at the time.

Kotone let out a sigh. “That fool you refer to helped quite a bit, Ash for Brains,” she told him in an annoyed voice. “Between you and Ren I actually figured out how to interact with people without wanting to just skip town and not deal with them. He and that stupid girl traveling with him just didn’t realize that at the time.” She let off a shrug to accompany the sigh, placing a few jewels on the table since she felt bad for letting the woman think she was about to have customers. She turned back to Raven. “If you really plan to leave now… take care of yourself, Raven,” she decided in a softer voice. She wasn’t sure if she wanted to deal with him or not. He wasn’t the Raven she remembered, not by a long shot. But she wasn’t the Kotone he remembered either, and she didn’t know how much that affected how he was acting.

“...I thought I’d made things worse,” He stopped, keeping his back to her. “I reached out trying… And then you got angry and left. I thought I’d tried and failed. Especially with what you said back then. And if I’m honest…?”

“I haven’t changed since then,” He continued in a quiet voice. It was softer, shaky, and carried a lot of nervousness. He didn’t know why it was tumbling out the way it was. So many feelings, no time to decompress or sort them out. And while he had always put on a good show… he was never good at feelings. “I just hid it all. The uncertainty, the fear, my magic’s origin… I hid it all.”

“I was raised to hide things, and help without putting myself out there,” He shifted to look at Kotone. “When you said those things… It shook the very foundation of everything I knew. The things you said there shattered whatever was holding me together.”

“I want to be friends,” He said, clearly struggling to talk at this point. “I want to be close. I want to run away. I want… I don’t know what I want anymore. And to make things worse, I don’t know what’s right anymore. ...You don’t deserve that in your life anymore. Not with Kade and the others waiting for you.”

“I don’t deserve a lot of things!” Kotone returned heatedly, angered by the way Raven seemed to think he was being some sort of martyr who could improve her life or destroy it on his whims. “Least of all people thinking they know what’s good for me! I’m not you. I’m not Taiga! I’m Kotone Hoshino, both dragon slayer and girl,” she ranted. “I may or may not know what’s best, but I sure as hell don’t need to be treated like some kid who can’t take her own risks!”

She wasn’t really sure what else to say at that point. Raven wanted to leave, he wanted to go off and abandon someone he claimed was important. He was going to let her go yet again, just like the last time. “Leave Kade out of your stupid decisions. You don’t have the power to take me away from or force me towards anyone, even yourself. That’s all me, and I know where I stand right now.” It was more of a general statement than it sounded like. She knew where she was going finally, even if the direction had no true destination. The dragon slayer’s fists had clenched tightly as she lectured Raven, but her arms fell limp after that. “I’m not some prize that can be traded around by the smoothest or nicest guy or girl…” she said more quietly. “I won’t abandon one thing for another. But… I need more friends…”

“If you needed me that badly then why did you run?!” He snapped, probably far too loudly. But he didn’t care. He was getting out… it wasn’t worth the heartache she was already driving into him. He needed time to decompress and get his feelings sorted, and he wouldn’t while he was arguing with her about it.

“If you need me that badly, then why don’t you stop and try to understand?!” He continued driving his point home. “I didn’t mean it at all like how you took it! You got angry because I hid things from you. And now you’re angry when I try to open up and not hide from you! If you didn’t want me around so badly, then why bother inviting me here? Or trying to talk to me?”

“I wasn’t lying when I said I’m glad you found people,” Raven said as he started walking again. “But I can see now that, regardless of how I feel or how I try to open up, I won’t be one of those people. So I’m going to hit the road. Maybe we’ll run into each other again, or maybe we won’t. Who knows? But this is goodbye!”

And the door slammed shut behind him, leaving Kotone and whoever else behind in his wake. He set a brisk pace and started wandering. He was wrong to have not chased back then. And he was wrong to have left now. But he couldn’t… He just wanted her to understood how he felt. And that wasn’t happening.