Tying up a few loose ends

So, it had been a few weeks. Tabitha’s wrists were all better besides a few almost visible silver slivers on her skin. It didn’t matter. The weather as getting colder and she was fine with that. Tabitha put on a long sleeved blouse. Purple almost see-through lace, buttoned up just enough that it didn’t show the purple camisole under her shirt. Except that the lace was thin enough the camisole as still visible. She had on a black denim mini-skirt short enough that there was a gap of skin on her thighs before her tall black socks started. Those socks were only seen for a few inches before her tall lace up black leather thigh high boots started. That was where she kept her knives. She was never without her knives, especially since the kidnapping.

Tabitha sauntered on to the guild hall. She hadn’t really invited Sharaku back to her house after they’d shared her bed. She hadn’t explained her violin, hadn’t done anything stupid like talk about her family. She had kept her wits about her for long enough. Now she felt like having a bit of fun with the boy. Maybe she would ask to take a job today. Maybe she would just make his head spin. She hadn’t decided exactly. She supposed she would just go with the flow.

Tabitha’s hair was back in its braids on either side of her face, the rest of it still shorter. She liked this style, it suited her, despite being strange. Sharaku also suited her, despite being strange. She ignored the glanced from people as she headed to Sharaku’s room. Knock, knock… She waited for the door to open, glancing around. I wonder what people think of me visiting Shar so much… hm, and yet I don’t really care…

Sharaku had been exercising. He'd been idle for awhile, since he wasn't exactly motivated to go out of his way and do things for his guild. He still didn't advertise that he was in Shadow Heart, despite the fact that people seemed to think they were heroes now. People were idiots if they thought people who attacked and killed people were better than the ones they just already didn’t like. But then, Sharaku had very little faith in humanity. At any rate, he didn’t care to get fat and lazy, so he’d picked up exercising when he wasn’t busy. He was in a sleeveless shirt and shorts despite the weather. He would probably change when he left though.

Suddenly, a knock came at the door. He had a few options for who would come visit him. It was either a job someone had decided he needed to do, or it was someone who had other business with him. Or, more likely, it was Tabitha. They hadn’t talked much since the night they spent together, but Sharaku didn’t exactly feel awkward about it. He did, but… he’d told himself it was a one time thing because it made someone who had been traumatized feel better. He walked over, opening the door. “Hey,” he told her in greeting. His earrings weren’t in, and his hair was in a less fancy ponytail. “Been busy lately?”

“Sure,” she said, because it was a thing she could say. He seemed more active today. She picked up on the minor signs that he had been doing some sort of physical activity, that didn’t bother her. It was good for him. She worked out, but her version of it included being out in the woods, and alone. He had been alone before she showed up, but she supposed she didn’t really care. She just liked keeping company with Sharaku, and so she was going to do that. She’d been wanting to do something for a while, and although she had enough good sense to mind her manners, it was still there.

“Sort of anyway. Resting, healing up, a bit of work, that sort of thing,” she said. She did work, she also worked out, and just generally gathered herself. Tabitha was usually vague though. He wasn’t looking for the most specific answer, and she wasn’t going to give it unless he really cared. It was a nice little relationship they had. “So… working out?” she asked, making note of the difference in his appearance. She was dressed on the fancy side, while he was dressed less fancy. She put her hand on the front of his shirt, examined him for a moment. Potential horrible idea? Yeah, well life was boring unless she went for enough potentially horrible ideas. So she pulled at his shirt a bit, and leaned forward, kissing him on the lips quickly, before letting him go. There. Now he could flail or yell at her or die. Or something else, she wasn’t entirely sure, she was just… surprisingly pleased with herself.

Sharaku had expected Tabitha to be vague. Vague was like, one of her personality traits. What he hadn’t expected… was the sudden kiss. Sharaku’s eyes shot open, though he didn’t pull back until about a second after she’d pecked him on the lips. His eyes were wide, and he obviously didn’t know what to think. “…I…” Sharaku started, blinking a few times. He was more shocked than surprised at the moment, and he didn’t so much feel the need to flail as he did to figure out what had just happened exactly.

After a long moment, a blush that was probably all too familiar to Tabitha crossed his cheeks as he rubbed the back of his head. “Well that was interesting….” He decided a bit more quietly than normal. Sharaku shifted a bit, glancing around his room. He didn’t really have a reason for it, other than being suddenly a bit more fidgety than normal. He looked up at her after a second. “So… any more surprises?” He asked, attempting to joke with her in order to keep from letting his female-related nerves get the better of him. She’d never let him hear the end of it if he did.

Sharaku hadn’t expected Tabitha to kiss him, well Tabitha hadn’t exactly expected to kiss him either. It was nice though. Generally speaking she have to pull back away from the person in hopes they wouldn’t freak out. Generally speaking, as much of a tease as she could be she didn’t actually give this much of herself in any situation. Not unless she meant something by it. By then she was generally close enough that she didn’t need a repulse flinch. She just didn’t know what she needed to do with Shar, truth be told.

He was wide eyed, as expected, and then pulled back, blinking and not saying much. Next came the “interesting” comment. She gave him a small nod of agreement. Yes, interesting, that it was… Any more surprises? She looked thoughtful for a moment, “Hm… I’ve never kissed a boy before now,” she offered. That was a bit more honesty than she might have intended to give him. “And I want to kiss you again,” she added. She figured she could at least tell him that. Although she didn’t kiss him, she wanted to. Pace yourself, Tabitha. Let the boy breathe. Oh, but breathing is less fun than kissing… and he has lots of inexperience to make up for. She could also have told him that she liked him, but she didn’t want to be quite that open.

Sharaku started blinking again when Tabitha admitted she’d never kissed a ‘boy’ before now. He didn’t think of himself as just a ‘boy’ per se, but… that was interesting. She’d been in other relationships though… which meant… Sharaku’s cheeks went crimson at the thought. He couldn’t handle one girl romantically, much less something like… well… Anyway. Sharaku finally got the nerve to speak after a moment, which was plenty of time for her to say she wanted to kiss him again. Honestly, he’d tried not to think about it. He didn’t need anyone. They’d just be sad when he tracked down the man who got his father killed and something likely happened to him as well when he stopped the man from hurting innocent people ever again.

But… that was neither here nor there, at least not right at the moment. Sharaku gave her a reassuring, if nervous grin. She might not say she liked him, but… after that? Well, he seriously doubted she wanted to kiss him just for fun, or she wouldn’t have even tried to ask. She would have just waited to see if he managed to push her away or if he cooperated. “Well… these things happen after rescue missions in stories, right?” he scratched the back of his head nervously. “I mean…” he trailed off. He nearly said okay, but that was a lot of… well… anyway…

Well, it didn’t seem like a very important thing to tell Sharaku that she dated girls. She never thought she would date a man, or be interested in them. They had a small amount of physical appeal, but they just did not interest her in this way. No one but Sharaku. No man anyway. It had been a long enough time since she’d been interested in any girls either. Fortunately it didn’t matter about anyone else, just Shar. Shar was the only one between Tabitha and another kiss. He blushed brighter red after she said she’d never kissed another boy. Well, whatever he was thinking, it seemed fun.

He gave some sort of nervous smile when she said she wanted to kiss him again. Was that a good sign? It felt good. It felt warm and tingly and she wanted to kiss him already. This happened after rescue missions in stories, huh? He didn’t make too much sense, but it seemed like there wasn’t a whole lot of need for him to make sense. She pulled him close with the collar of his shirt again. “I wanted to kiss you before you rescued me,” she told him honestly. She took his hands, put them on her hips, and kissed him again. This time finding his lips was even easier. Knowing he wasn’t going to push her away or absolutely freak out made it so much better.

As Sharaku pulled away after the kiss, he managed to stare at her face for a short bit before he looked away, letting go of her hips. “Visiting with you is always interesting,” he decided after a moment, his voice just a bit sheepish. What was up with today? He’d gotten up ,he’d worked out some, he’d been interrupted, and now he was making out with a lesbian. What? Just… what? Okay, he knew he was a pretty boy judging by some girls’ reactions, but he hadn’t thought he was quiet ‘that’ girly, even with the earrings and ponytail.

“Is ah, is that the only reason you came?” he asked curiously as he rubbed the back of his head again. She did visit for the most random seeming reasons, but this would certainly take the cake when it came to random visits, that was for sure. “I mean, it was certainly surprising, but…” he couldn’t imagine her visiting him for that. Then again there were a lot of things he couldn’t imagine right now because he was rather distracted by everything. Everything being her. Well, not that she was everything but she was all he was thinking about at the second. That and why she would just visit and go for a kiss. What *was* he trying to think anyway?

Whatever it was, it was completely unintentionally. Surely it was unintentional, but it… no, surely it was unintentional. Whether Sharaku wanted to think of Tabitha as a lesbian or not, she wasn’t going to be especially picky. Given that she had just been kissing a man, it sort of drew some problems with calling her a lesbian. She wasn’t sure. All she knew was that it had been stupid to kiss him, because he stopped and pulled away, and Tabitha was no someone who handled that well. She steeled up her disappointment, keeping her body language loose to avoid it betraying her, and crossed her arms behind her back while he voiced that her visits were interesting.

She didn’t comment on that, seeing as it was not a question. She watched him as he displayed simple nervous ticks. Rubbing the back of his head, again. He stated that it was surprising, after asking if this was the only reason she had come. Hm. Why had she come? She just wanted to see him. To finally do something about those nagging feelings. Weird how little interest she had in saying this now when he’d stepped back after she had finally, stupidly, relaxed. Keeping her tone light she shrugged and said, “Did you have time to take a job with me today?”

Sharaku tilted his head as he shoved his hands in his pockets. Tabitha seemed somehow disappointed in whatever just happened. She didn’t show it much, but he knew her well enough to know something was wrong. He would have asked about it, but he wasn’t sure what to ask. A simple ‘what’s wrong?’ seemed likely to get him nowhere, knowing her, and he wasn’t really keen on asking her if that was what she was likely to do. Even if it would have been a better thing to ask her, he both wasn’t a people person, and was a bit off kilter after whatever was going on.

Tabitha asked him a seemingly cheerful question, asking if he had time to take a job with her. So she’d wanted a job? Why was she kissing him if she wanted a job? Sharaku was smart, but he wasn’t exactly putting two and two together. Relationships were not a field of knowledge he was experienced with, and it left him at a bit of a loss. “Er, yeah, I’ll go on a job with you,” he nodded. “I’d just need to get changed first I suppose.” He shrugged, tilting his head back to its proper position as he looked at her, waiting on her answer. Yeah, he was at a bit of a loss.

Shar sucked. Why did he have to be perceptive? Screw him and his caring and his rescuing, and his being nice and sweet and better than anyone else she’d met since… no. Screw this. Screw that. And not him. Not screw him. Clearly that wasn’t on the table. She wouldn’t give him, or anyone else, or especially the people who hated her the satisfaction of seeing her confused and hurt. She wouldn’t give it a moment. They could all burn, and she wouldn’t bat an eye. Except… she wanted him… to be nice for him… to be gentle enough and mellow enough… that he could be around her happily. It was draining, it was… frightening. She needed to be alone. She wanted to be here. This was the closest to… being close to someone like this… she buried it down.

He agreed to the job. Good. He needed to change first. “I…” I hate you. I’m scared. I hate you. Go away. I’m sorry. I hate this… “I’m glad… God, you’re so bad at this,” she said suddenly. She was just… she refused. She refused to let herself leave without something. She just wanted to be here with him. She could work any day. She would work any day. She wanted this, right now. And she refused to just leave. He probably didn’t even know what she was saying.[/b]

Sharaku blinked in confusion as Tabitha told him he was bad at ‘this.’ What was he bad at? He was bad at… kissing? Well, yes, probably. He didn’t exactly practice it, or intend to practice it, or… whatever. He wasn’t actually sure. He was too confused at the moment as he rubbed the back of his head and shuffled slightly in place as he changed his stance, not moving from his spot. His blue eyes searched her, unable to figure out what was going on. He had a clue… but at the same time he didn’t. He couldn’t figure out what he was supposed to be thinking. The kiss hadn’t helped.

“I er… what am I…?" Sharaku rubbed the back of his head. This was why women were intimidating. His sister hadn’t been good practice with girls, because at times it was easy to forget she was a girl. Sharaku suddenly didn’t understand his friend at all, tilting his head slightly as he tried his best to collect his thoughts. The kiss hadn’t helped. “Bad at what?” he finally asked, his voice confused. He couldn’t put two and two together. He didn’t have enough information. He didn’t have enough experience. He didn’t have a lot of things, and right now he felt like it showed.

Ugh, and now he was standing there looking all innocent and confused. She frowned at him, just… She didn’t know how he could be this lost. She’d just wanted to kiss him, since she liked him. And she wanted to be close to him, since she liked him. And she wanted to be happy and not rejected when she actually cared. He didn’t even know what was happening. It probably could have been handled differently, sure. It wasn’t like she exactly had experience with this situation. She wasn’t going to stand here and say she wanted something more than this.

I er… what am I…? She sighed. He looked so adorable being confused and apparently intimidated. She couldn’t handle being mean to him. Not that she’d been mean, but… well, she liked him a lot. Stupid Shar. Bad at what? Okay, she could work with that. “Bad at knowing how to handle this. Bad at… actually showing if you even want to do this, the kissing… bad at showing if you don’t, even.” She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and watched him. She didn’t like this, but he looked too helpless to just leave. She liked him too much to just give up. He didn’t even know what was happening.

“Er…” Sharaku shoved his hands in his shorts pockets a bit nervously. Tabitha was being… well… not conducive to him being able to not panic and say something stupid, and he was trying very hard right at this moment not to do something like that. Like… really hard. Sharaku wasn’t romantic. He wasn’t even close to ideal as a guy to date. He knew that. He also knew that for some reason, women liked him. He didn’t exactly mind that part, but he did think it probably wasn’t the smartest thing they could do.

“Well, I mean, I’m not complaining… but I don’t…” Yes Sharaku, put your foot in your mouth. Maybe if you get it in as far as you can, she’ll hit it with a hammer and send it into your stomach. “What I mean to say is…” Nope, you’ve got nothing. You aren’t helping anyone… gods it would be better if you just never talked to anyone like you’d originally hoped. He chuckled nervously, though his eyes flicked back to her despite looking away as he did. He probably shouldn’t have chuckled. She would take it the wrong way. “I ah… well… sorry…” he managed after a moment. He was bad at it. She was right. She really shouldn’t be expecting any different, because it was a struggle just to get this far.

It was lucky for Sharaku that Tabitha wasn’t exactly like all the other girls who liked him. Girls liked him because he was good looking. Tabitha thought he was a good looking decoration, but that didn’t mean much in the long run. What mattered was their time in the woods, being able to relax around him, seeing his reaction when she’d been hurt. What mattered was laying against him in bed, and going to him when she was bleeding out. Unfortunately for Sharku, Tabitha was still human, and girl, on top of that.

His hands were in his pockets, and he was so awkward. He wasn’t complaining “but.” She crossed her arms. What he meant to say was… silence. He chuckled. Her arms remained crossed. Augh. He, well, sorry. She narrowed her eyes. Not angry, but absolutely scrutinizing him right now. “You didn’t say anything. Instead of walking out and being upset, which would get nowhere… I’m going to stand here. Just right here,” and she did not care if it was intimidating. “Because… I want to kiss you, and be nice to you. And that’s dangerous for a girl like me,” she said, sighing, relenting. Stupid Sharaku… She walked up to him, grabbed his hand and looked at him. If he pulled away… don’t. “So carefully consider what you want to do right now.”

Tabitha was going to stand there. Just right there. Intimidatingly. She didn’t care. The fact that she didn’t care didn’t have to be advertised – Sharaku knew that she didn’t care. She was committed to what she was doing. She wanted to kiss him and be nice to him. She was being vulnerable and that was dangerous to her. It was dangerous for Sharaku too. He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t… not if…

Sharaku had to carefully consider what he wanted to do – not because she said it, but because there wasn’t much of a return from something like she was proposing. He shouldn’t even be half as attached as he was, but… for some **** reason he wasn’t able to shake the feelings he’d tried to let go of when he’d left his family.

“…” Sharaku didn’t even open his mouth for what felt to him like an eternity. When he did, not a lot came out. “I…” He looked at her, his eyes continuing to search for some answer on her features. What was he supposed to say? Words were stupid and useless. He’d never been good at them. It was like the gods cruel joke to put his so-called good looks with his own perceived lack of social grace. Screw it. Sharaku stepped a bit closer, reached out, grabbed Tabitha gently just above her hips, and pulled her close, giving her a long, sincere kiss. He might end up regretting this. Worse, she might end up regretting this. It didn’t matter. He was tired of pretending he didn’t care about things just to spare them trouble later. He'd made enough bad decisions already. What would one more hurt?

Shar thought that there was no coming back from doing something. He thought that what he did not couldn’t be returned from. What Tabitha had done couldn’t be returned from. She was good enough at steeling herself against the world. She could act fine after this, but unfortunately Sharaku knew her well enough to see through the minor changes. She didn’t want that. She also didn’t want to keep away from him. She liked their strange friendship that sometimes allowed for days of yelling at herself for liking him, or evenings clinging to his arm on the way home from a job. She didn’t like playing pretend with a boy she would much rather actually care about.

So he started at her, opened his mouth. She was trying not to fixate on his mouth. He wasn’t really accomplishing much by talking, but he moved closer to her. That was good right? She wanted it to be good. She willed it to be a good sign. He put his hands on her and that horrible weakness welled up in her chest. He wasn’t allowed to spend much time keeping her waiting now. She couldn’t handle the tension. Fortunately he didn’t keep her waiting long. She didn’t want that stupid vulnerable expression on her face any longer.

His lips found hers in what definitely felt like the first kiss he’d participated in. Tabitha’s hands went up to the side of his face. Screw smart. This was worth it. A girl happy playing men like Marionette’s, falling all over herself for a man. It wasn’t quite true, but it felt like it. Luckily his face felt soft and she kissed him again. She allowed herself to pull back enough breathe. Eyes cautiously looking up into his. Should she say something? Do something? Say and do nothing? She looked at him, silently thinking, but then settled on kissing him again, gently. I was still completely possible he would run at any time, but his hands on her felt reassuring, and she was going to keep this feeling while she could.

Sharaku could tell that Tabitha wasn't exactly sure of things, herself. She seemed different in this scenario. She was... unsure, slightly hesitant, and most of all, completely sincere, at least as far as Sharaku could tell. He liked that. It was weird, but after months of convincing himself he didn't need friends and shouldn't have any hopes beyond fulfilling the reason he joined Shadow Heart in the first place, he couldn't help but want to allow for some happiness now. He blamed her, but... not really in a bad way.

Sharaku pulled his face away slightly, but not far enough to look like he was pulling away from Tabitha, looking at her face. “I get the feeling some job wasn’t your only reason for visiting,” he mused with a slight grin before giving her one more kiss. He let out a sigh. “And here I thought I was going to be over that awkward phase with you. Now you’ve given me entirely new reasons to be awkward.”

Sharaku rested his forehead on hers, also not actually sure what he should be doing. She probably expected something. He didn’t, mostly because he had no idea what to expect. Today was an interesting day.

Yes, she was vulnerable and human. Ew. She didn’t like showing off those traits. It was better to be a ventriloquist, getting people to say what she wanted, and a puppet master, getting people to do what she wanted. Better… well, alright maybe not better. This was better. This was worth the effort. He had been more standoffish and she didn’t usually care. She could tell he was fond of her company, and it was enough for a while. Now it wasn’t enough. She just wanted more and she wasn’t sure where that stopped yet.

Shar pulled away some, but was still close. He was looking at her and she felt a bit more sensitive than usual. Not awkward, not embarrassed, just maybe confused. What was he thinking? Oh… that. She smiled. “I don’t remember. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while…” Apparently this was going to extend his awkwardness around her. “Oh, that is fine. I enjoy it. Its endearing…”

Tabitha closed her eyes. His forehead against hers felt intimate. Not in a sexual way at all. Just a closeness, a safe little place to be. She also didn’t know what to do after this. She wanted to be able to do things with him, but didn’t need a label. She also wanted to claim him, but that didn’t mean they had to date or something. She just didn’t want to share. She could always harm girls who flirted with him. He might dislike that. Okay she wouldn’t. Maybe. She kisses him gently again, her lips barely grazing his. This was weird, but nice. “I’d like to keep standing here… but I think you might melt…” No one wanted that, after all.