Veer

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Veer

Post by Little Boots on Fri Feb 07, 2014 11:52 pm

Veer


[Attributes]

Power - **
Agility - ****     
Toughness - ***  
Intelligence - ***
Willpower - ***

[Basic Information]
Full Name: Poe Agamem
Alias(es): Veer
Gender: Male
Age: Twenty-four
Birthday: October, 5th
Sexuality: Heterosexual

[Characteristics]
Height: 6'1"
Weight: 167 lbs
Hair: Purple (and curly)
Eyes: Orange

General Appearance: Poe is a tall, wiry man, lean with muscle. His attire is nothing to dote on, other than, of course his mask. A mask--helmet that he is never seen without. It is form fitting, specifically shaped to his head. Brightly painted orange, with black ripples across its surface. A heavily tented visor lets him see from it, though it is a one-way visor, people cannot peer back into it. A black v-neck, long sleeved shirt is worn. The shirt has a pocket over the left breast. The pockets color is green. Poe sports baggy dark-blue jeans that over-lap the tongues of his black boots. A dagger is worn on his hip.

Now it is time to remove the mask. It is horrific, really. A skull, no flesh other than eyes. Purple hair sprouts out from atop the skull, while his sunken eyes peer out. There are no eye-lids. Sleep is not an easy task due to this. Skin starts at his neck, and bellow everything else is relatively normal. Large burn marks cover his torso, worn and tattered flesh.

Personality: A promise to no one. From his life experiences, Poe has learned to value himself over others. Allegiances are fleeting, but may come to acquire a small amount of friends(one or two). Rarely partakes of trials that have no benefit for himself. On those most part, Poe is quiet an brooding. Though isn't afraid to put his thoughts forward, if situation calls for it. He is fairly smart, allowing himself to make forward progress in life. At times though, he is chaotic, willing to threaten those stronger than him(and act on those threats). Poe isn't adverse to killing as he's done it before, and most likely will again.

Sadness above all else grips his heart. Being born to strife, Poe has a somber nature. Melancholy, one could even say. The fall of his guild haunts him, always thinking back on his friends and how they effected his life. While his current home is at Saber Tooth, Poe has no particular interest in the guild. Seeing it as a stepping stone to his goal. With some of its current members he hopes to kick-start his guild back to power.

Personal relationships an love interests take a back-seat in his life. Preferring to pursue his career in magic, versus an active personal network. His mask, the thing he will never remove. Poe is very self-conscious, and embarrassed by his facial appearance. He would never, I mean NEVER remove his mask for anyone. This holds back many facets of a normal life, or any hope for one. He fears what is underneath it. It is because of his appearance he seeks a certain man. 'Man in black' as he calls him. He seeks this man, it is not likely he will tell you why. This seems to be his entire drive in life, finding this mysterious magician. This man in black.

Likes:

Being by himself-- Before Fairy Tail, Poe was alone. Only joining the guild to gain himself notoriety before he reinstates his own guild to power. Even in a guild, Poe keeps to himself. While some of this is due to what is under his mask, it cannot be fully contributed to this. Naturally, Poe is a loner. He prefers spending his time alone, an usually is uneasy around others.

Reading & Studying-- Poe is studious an enjoys learning. Knowledge is power, he believes this firmly. Studying magic is also a hobby of his, learning about the different magics of the world.

Moving forward-- Driven an goal oriented. Poe is not one to let things grow stagnant. Sitting idle by is not one of his talents, and at times is very impatient. This is show by his constant traveling, not staying in one place too long. The man he seeks could be anywhere, couldn't he?

Strength-- Poe naturally flocks to those with power, respecting them. Though in same throw, weary of them.

Dislikes:

People-- People in general, Poe tries to avoid. The general public is not something he wants to be apart of. Their sharp eyes, judgment in each glance.

Being an underling-- While he does like power, Poe doesn't want to be subdued by it. He doesn't particularly enjoy being apart of Fairy Tail.

The man in black-- The man who cursed him, the man he hunts. A vile thing, often gracing his mind and his dreams. He cannot escape him, every time he looks in the mirror, he sees it.

His face-- He has a particular distaste for what is under his mask. Embarrassed by it, and scared of it as well.

Motivations:

Finding the man in black-- It all hangs on this, finding this man. What else is there in his life? Nothing. It has all been for this, this one goal. Singularity. Nothing else but him, Poe's obsession. His life and his death--everything and nothing. His redemption from this madness, as well his curse.

Growing Stronger-- To attain power, what else is there in this world? His will is strong, possessing a desire to enhance his magic. Moving his name higher in the world.

Fears:

Never finding the man in black-- If he can't, Poe will never have a chance at happiness. He will look, forever if he has to. There is nothing more horrific to him, trapped with this curse forever.

His mask being removed-- Fear of judgment of what is underneath. Afraid of being called a monster, afraid of people seeing what he truly is.

[Life]
Occupation: Guild Mage
Family: None
Medical Conditions: (Since I wrote Veer on the cliche revenge bit, he has tunnel vision, and can be narcissistic about his appearance. A typical neurotic. Though a fairly quiet one. Though it would not be unkind to say he has aspergers, or at least a mild form, which itself is silly as aspergers is a milder form of autism.
Pets: No
Hometown: Whitehaven originally, but now: Magnolia
Secrets: Well, in general, his entire back story. Other characters shouldn't be given insight into his past.

History:
The Agamen's of Whitehaven were a rich an prosperous family. Their mines made them so, and through Fiore their name was known. It wasn't until the tragedy at Agamenhall, that their name was accursed. Poe's mother, was giving birth to him when their mansion caught fire. It is unknown what started the blaze, but everything was reduced to ash within it. All things perished, Poe was the only one to survive--in truth it is not even known how the child survived.

Though a man would come to find him, Guth he was known as. A Guildmaster of a famous guild in Whitehaven. Star Fall it was so known, and at one time was a very powerful, and well respected Guild. Guth took the boy as his own, raising him with his other children. So it was, living together with his foster family in the throws of Star Fall. For a while it was bliss, Poe none the wiser of his real parents. It was the only time in his life that he was ever truly happy.

Upon the boy, Guth bestowed his magic. The Drill magic. Poe took to it like a moth to flame, assimilation, integration, and consumption. Time were good and friends were plentiful. Poe would travel about completing missions, though his mother would always protest. He's still yet too young! Let him be a child for a while longer! Guth would only laugh back at her, a boy now, but soon a man!

This happiness wasn't meant to last. In the mirror he saw, curly purple hair. While his fathers was dark as night, and his mothers was white as snow. His siblings a mixture of them both. He knew he was not one of them. When he confronted his father with this, Guth sighed, almost knowing this would be coming, eventually. Guth told him about his true birth, and the tragedy at Agamemhall. Your fathers wealth was drying up, he'd gone mad. We we're friends, once. He was a good man, truly. Though greed changes a man. He burnt everything, turning himself and his family to ash. Though not you, it's because your strong, don't you see?

Something had been torn, after the news of his true birth, Poe could never patch things up with Guth. Though truly he was still his father, but a warmth was lost. With all his might he tried--couldn't find it. What was lost. It was truly hard for the boy, not knowing his real family. He would never know his mothers embrace or the stern hand of his father. Though in a sense he had that already, didn't he? Hadn't Guth's family treated him like one of them? Yes.

The Guild was not at peace. It was breaking apart, slowly but surely. It was a terrible thing to see, Star Fall was his home. Though before the usurping could be dealt with, Darkstar revealed himself and his true intentions. The Darkstar or Man in black was the strongest man in the guild, next to Guth. When the Darkstar came down with his four demons, all of Star Fall felt their wroth. There was no reason for it, this massacre, or none ever to Poe's knowledge. The Darkstar was pure chaos, ruining the good, if in fact there was ever any good.

So they came, sacking Star Fall and it's members. The memory still clings to his mind to this day. Darklyn raising Poe's infant sister and crushing her skull against the wall. Poe's mother being raped in the corner. While a noose was thrown around his own neck, and he was strung up from the rafters. Poe watched his father as he burned alive. Magic seethed, splitting and churning. The Darkstar laughed as the boy choked, and Darklyn set the place ablaze. A gift was bestowed upon him, from a kiss Poe's face twisted. Once more he watched his family burn. Flames eating away at the rope that bound him.

From there he fled, running until he could no longer. When found his reflection, Poe found the monster the Darkstar made. Years he wondered, searching after them. Lost in his own madness and loneliness. That was until Fairy Tail took him in, open arms and willing heart.
.

[Guild & Magic]

Guild: Fairy Tail
Guild Tattoo: Left breast

Magic: Drill Magic
Caster or Holder: Caster
Description: Drill magic was first harnessed by the miners of Whitehaven. Though it's original purpose was not for the offensive, miners used it to burrow and uncover precious metals. This magic let them do this at un-parallel rates. Essentially drill magic is just a finer honed style of wind magic. Possessors of this magic tightly wrap wind together, spinning said wind in the process. Their body can be used as a medium for the magic. The wind is highly condensed, appearing white an cloudy. With this wrapped wind(formed in the shape of a drill) they can effectively drill/pierce into things.
Weaknesses: Drill magic is used on a small scale, and is not easily spread out or used defensively. So the user must constantly stay on the offensive. Drill magic is very dangerous as it's sole purpose is to drill into things. It's power is highly condensed to small form, in it's focused area it is very dangerous. If not condensed properly the wind will leave 'gaps' within the structure of the dill, allow the user to harm themselves.

RP Sample:
The smell of decay found his nostrils, rotting in their tombs. Still yet he dug, he could hear their screams. Help us, Poe. Set us free! You did this, you weren't strong enough! Your not strong enough to be a star! The shovel turned to ash in his hands, though that wouldn't stop him. He clawed at the earth with his fingers, but couldn't move the ground an inch. It was hard as stone. Against that his finger nails ripped away, and screams bellowed from him.

" I can't, I'm sorry but I just can't!" The man screamed at his loved one's graves.

All for not. Their phantoms seemed to say. You are nothing. Rich boy, son of a miner. You stink of dirt, and you can't even dig well. Then the voice of his mother, how could you let them do this? They killed your sister and burned Guth. You are no son of mine! Her phantom struck him, dragging him into the earth. In a coffin he was locked, worms and snakes crawling over him. The skeleton of his mother embracing him. Removing his mask, touching his face. Monster, it cried.

He awoke in his apartment, sighing on the realization of a dream. He touched the skull were once skin used to be. It was cold. He hadn't seen his own real face since he was a boy. He wondered if he had become a handsome man, but he would never know. At at least not until he found the Darkstar. Sitting idle would not help him, so he found his mask and a shirt.

Finding the doors of Fairy Tail, he pushed them aside. Entering into the long hall, voices boomed and glasses sang against one another. People were having a good time, a celebration! Though he would not take part in it, no. Veer only saw Jewels and what they could do for him. He found the mission board.

Face Claim: None

Desired starting level: 2

Little Boots

Posts : 1
Experience : 0
Secondary Magic : N/A

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Re: Veer

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 08, 2014 2:43 pm

Hey welcome to the Revolution Poe Agamem. I have been selected to check your application. So without further wait, let's get this over with.

In a nutshell, this app is unapprovable as it currently is, especially for level 2. The reason you ask? Well no one reason, rather a multitude of errors and flaws that frankly make me cry. I will touch on the big ones, not all of them naturally, as solving some of these bigger ones basically requires changing the smaller ones.

First off, every character has to have a face claim, and every character must have some kind of picture, even if you draw it yourself, if you do draw it yourself you Face Claim section at the bottom of the app would read 'Original Work'. Admittedly you probably are not going to find someone that looks like that, which is actually good cause that leads into the second matter.

Next off we kinda like people to be semi realistic about their character's appearance. This means several things, if you are muscular, you would naturally weigh more, especially since you are also that tall. I mean I know quite a few people that are 6'1'' and the lightest one of them is still 190 lbs. Your character would have to be abnormally thin and frail to be that light and tall, and your description saying they are muscular is well a laughing point if I ever saw on. Also orange eyes? Really? What are you a demon? Oh wait no, your not, or at least if you are your history never mentioned such.

Your personality is a very decent one, albeit the few small grammar issues. It is perhaps the one thing about the app that I like, oh wait, no, that was the Likes, Dislikes, Motivations, and Fears. No your personality mentioned something. Something called Saber Tooth. We do not have anything on this site called Saber Tooth. As such I have no idea what you were meaning when you mentioned it.

As we continue though past the well detailed section I tolerate to a basic extent, we find ourselves at your Medical Conditions. You have an incomplete parenthetical, which greatly bugs me. I would also also like a rewording on the fact you say he has aspergers. I find nothing “silly” about such things and it is mildly offensive to some people.

Now to the history. I frankly don't care to spend much time here, save to point out one big kinda important thing. Your family died when you were born. Later on you mention your mother and a sister, where she came from I have no clue. I understand that your character would have been raised by Guth and his family in place of his own, yet without naming Guth's wife or Guth's daughter's name, it makes it seem like you are referring to your already dead family members. It makes it confusing to read to some, I mean I get what you were saying and I suppose that is all that matters, but there are some people that would reread your history 10 times over and still not realize that. When writing ya always want to keep your audience in mind, and reveal enough so they have a clear understanding of what is going on around them.

Alright let's finish this up. Now personally I don't see someone of your personality fitting in well with Fairy Tail, though I won't say you can't do it, it just seems like a rather odd choice. The next thing I really want to press on, is your magic. Overall the magic concept seems pretty cool, though if I knew the strengths of this magic, it may help me understand it more,  cause last I looked you needed at least 75 words describing your magic's strengths in a separate part from the Description.  

Besides that, I want you to make sure and double check to see that all your parts of your app meet the minimum requirements. I normally do this after I read the whole thing and understand what your character is for the most part. I found more errors in this than I normally find, so I chose I have no need to check those personally but just let you know to double check them yourself.

Feel free to ask me any questions via PM or the Chatbox (not the Shoutbox that guests can also use).

Bump when all Edits are made~

OH yeah side note.... Your nickname Veer makes little sense to me. I did not see it mentioned as to why your character is even called that anywhere, adding that may help me to understand it and not have to say nope can't have it.

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