Clueless

Kasimir wanted to call the competition a draw. Astra did not want to lose, but she also wasn’t happy calling a competition a draw either. “Nope!” she responded as soon as he asked such a silly question. She kept grinning, sitting on his chest. “You have to say I win,” she told him as her grin widened almost triumphantly. She was going to win whatever it took. Even if it meant tackling him to the ground and trying to make him give up.

She had no intention of moving just yet, though she would get up when she was satisfied of his answer. Her mind wandered a bit. What was that look on his face? That was odd. Most people didn’t turn red when she tackled them. At least as far as she knew. For the most part she didn’t tackle people. Unless she was having a magical duel for training purposes or something. She should probably do that more. Astra blinked after a moment, realizing she had spaced out.

“Maybe as the competition’s winner I get to pick what we do next?” she suggested as if that was what he had said or he was going to say. That sounded fun. Had he already answered? She hoped not. She’d wanted to hear him give up so she would get to have her moment of triumph. Maybe not her proudest win, but a win was a win as far as she was concerned.

Wait what?! This girl really was ridiculous. Kaz was doing her a favor by offering to call it a draw. "Don't push it, if we tally up the total score, I'm the one who would win hands-down!" He smirked back, not willing to admit defeat when he'd clearly won. Of course, the competition had hardly been fair with the addition of earth magic. But that was Astra's fault, not his.

Honestly he was perfectly content laying in the sand being pinned by her, and was in no rush to move her off. Well, except that the tide was rising slowly towards his hair, but he figured it would take quite a while before it rose high enough to cause a problem. He was fairly sure he could get Astra off if he really wanted, she was so tiny, after all. "Well you picked the coffee, I picked the beach and sandcastle thing, so I guess it's your turn to pick next," he at least agreed on that, although the reason for letting her pick was completely different. "Does that mean you had something in mind?" He realized. Another competition? Or something else she wanted to explore or see? She had certainly taken the sandcastle competition more seriously than he'd intended. At least it had peaked her interest. He would definitely remember that for the future – if she could get competitive about sandcastles, he was pretty sure she'd get competitive about anything.

Astra frowned more when Kasimir told her he was winning hands-down. Her mouth twisted into a frown that said she wasn’t very happy with him claiming he was winning, even if it were true. She opened her mouth to argue, or possibly to declare she was continuing the challenge, but by then he had already moved on and said she could pick what happened next. She decided that meant he had given up even if he hadn’t admitted it and she suddenly looked happy again.

“Hmmm” she pondered happily, seeming to get comfortable on his chest for the moment rather than climbing off. It was better than sitting down in the sand, after all. And she didn’t hear him complaining. “Hmmm” she made the noise again. Obviously she hadn’t thought of something before she asked. And she wasn’t exactly sure what there was to do. “I’ll pick something simple,” she decided after a moment. “We should walk like those people over there!” she glanced at a man and woman walking on the beach with their feet in the water. That looked fun. She wanted to get her feet wet. And to get the sand off of her bare feet. It felt weird. Kasimir was fun, and despite earlier words of how she acted she felt like he didn’t treat her like she was going to hurt herself. Astra gave him another grin and chuckled. She was having a great time as well.

Kaz's eyebrow rose a bit as Astra began her 'hmm'-ing. Apparently she didn't have a plan in mind. He had underestimated her spontaneousness. And was promptly taken aback again by her suggestion. His gaze wandered to where Astra was looking, although he had a pretty good idea what he'd see. Astra's example didn't have the two holding hands, which was what Kaz had expected. But it was still pretty clear that the two were a couple. "...You're quite the romantic, aren't you. All we need is a sunset, and it would be perfect," Kaz thought out loud. For not having any memories, Astra was picking out some surprising activities. Simple in practice maybe, but hardly in concept. He thought that the way he and Astra acted was clearly different than just 'friends', and she seemed to be consciously or subconsciously mirroring him - he couldn't tell which.

"I'd love to oblige, but you're currently still sitting on me," he winked at her. She was pretty light, but he wasn't about to shove her off forcefully. The back of his hair was really starting to get matted down now, and he was definitely going to brush himself off once Astra let him up. As long as they didn't wander too far, he figured his other belongs would be safe on the pier.

“Romantic?” Astra looked at Kasimir, a little bit confused. Was she being romantic? She remembered what that meant. She just wasn’t ware she was doing that. Hmm, that was interesting. Apparently she was a flirt. No one had pointed that out to her before, and she certainly hadn’t noticed. She stood up, brushing off her shorts and her knees as Kasimir got himself off. She looked at her shoes where they were laying and shrugged. Who would want sneakers that would only fit girls younger than her? “Well, let’s go then,” she nodded.

She was actually rather distracted again once she got up though. Her thoughts were getting the better of her. All around people were enjoying things, walking along the beach, playing in the sand. It was one of the first truly warm days this year, and people were taking advantage of it. Had Astra taken advantage of it before? It wasn’t that it mattered, but part of her was still curious. If Kasimir grabbed her hand or otherwise pulled her along, she almost seemed to not notice at first while she tried to think and remember more about herself. Was she always unintentionally flirty? Or was that new because she hadn’t figured out that she was doing it?

Finally Astra was off him, and Kaz rose again to his feet. He shook off the sand on his back and pants, vigorously ruffling the back side of his hair. The blank stare Astra had given him when he mentioned her being romantic... Kaz was usually somewhat subtle, but it seemed like he was getting through to her finally. Leaving his belongings on the pier, Kaz followed next to Astra on the sandy beach walk. He stole a glance at Astra while they walked - her forehead was creased, as if she were concentrating on something. The beach was beautiful, but all of his attention was on the girl next to him.

While they continued down the shore, Kaz slyly reached for hand, locking them together. Astra still seemed distracted though... if she was thinking about what he'd just said, maybe the time was right. When they were alone, away from the rest of the tourist and beach-dwellers except those in the distance, Kaz stopped walking. He pulled Astra close to his chest, forcing her attention back onto him. He smiled gently at her. "Astra..." He began warmly. "I know we've only just met and this might seem sudden... That you have no memories and so you don't know what other obligations you might have... " He waited a moment, only to give more weight to his words.

"Even if it's doomed from the beginning to not work out... Please let me at least say this today, even if the future should change. Thank you, Astra. There's no one else who can compare to you. If today was my last day alive and my time was spent with you, I could die a happy man. So, please forgive me, as I'm going to be selfish......" He leaned in slowly. Their height difference was a bit awkward, but he tried to make it look natural. He released her hand, giving her the opportunity to pull back if she wanted. His heart was racing, but he'd already made up his mind. Today was his day with Astra. He knew it was selfish to want her... especially when she could be involved in another relationship, without her knowledge. It wasn't that he wanted to confuse her... but still, he meant what he said... or at least, he meant it in this moment.

Closing his eyes, he leaned forward to kiss her; would kiss her unless she refused......

Astra both wasn't expecting a kiss nor was she sure what Kasimir was even trying to say with his odd confession. Selfish, what in the world was he- Smooch. Astra didn't make any effort to stop the kiss. But that was partially because she was so surprised. What in the world just happened? She blinked a few times as Kasimir leaned back after the kiss, stunned and unsure what to do or what to think. Then her eyes refocused and she looked at Kasimir. Was that… her first kiss? Was that so surprising? She’d never had a real concept of kissing, much less it being anything special since she had woken up. But now she was blushing a deep red.

Was this her first kiss? Her real first kiss? Astra kept wondering if her past self had ever kissed anyone. Well technically she hadn’t kissed Kaz but that wasn’t really part of her thought process right now. It took her awhile, but she finally said something. “H-hi,” she said simply, as if she were restarting their meeting or something. Really, she just trying to think of something – anything – to say. “Walk now?” she asked Kasimir, her face still bright red and her thoughts still wandering in self-discovery land.

Kaz pulled back after a short moment. The kiss had been a light peck and Astra had been far too shocked to return or reject it. He calmly met her gaze, coy smile on his face, even though he was still a bit nervous after making such a bold move too. Astra looked flushed in embarrassment and Kaz was having trouble reading anything else from her. He had expected more of an explosive reaction from her, considering her earlier animated take on life. Although then again, maybe this was an extreme reaction now, just not necessarily in the direction Kaz thought.

"That was amazing," he told her, not quite willing to let it go yet. "Sure, let's go then," he agreed to her earlier wish. He hoped that he hadn't broken her completely. As long as he gave her a little time to think and then started up the conversation again. He walked with her along the sandy shore, just listening to the tidal waves and the sound of Astra next to him. The silence was a little nerve-wrecking, probably for both of them, but he wanted to give her some time to think. If Astra struggled too much he would help her out, but he wasn't about to apologize or regret what he'd just done.

Astra followed in a daze for a good five minutes. Not so much because she couldn’t speak after one or two, but because her mind was furiously trying to clear enough to figure anything out, including what she thought. Why had he kissed her? Did she like it? Did she not like it? Just how much of a flirt was she? She hadn’t said she wanted to kiss him had she? No wait she never thought of that stuff. She just complimented and got into people’s personal space.

After a short while the amnesiac girl shook her head before brushing her red strand of hair out of her face. Her hair was much neater than it used to be, thanks to her roommate, the celestial wizard Ava, trying so hard to get her to groom properly. Her taste in fine clothing rather than skimpy ensembles… had not done such a good job of sinking in. “What was that even for?” she asked, sounding curious in a way that said she wasn’t sure what she thought. It was a different tone than normal. Was a little bit of the original Astra peeking through? This Astra certainly both didn’t notice and couldn’t have answered if so. “Do people normally sneak their way into kisses?”

Kaz walked along the beach silently, still giving Astra time to figure things out. Considering she was trying to figure out simple things like how the ocean looked or what coffee tasted like... a kiss must have been a bit much. Still, at least Astra knew it meant something. Her shock indicated that the kiss and confession had been more than a simple new experience. It meant something to her too.

"Hm?" Kaz had expected Astra to have questions. Like maybe why he'd done that. But not what. It made him feel like she doubted not only his purpose for acting, but the entire process. "It's a sign of affection," Kaz answered calmly. He had used the time prior to sort out his own thoughts and emotions. "It means I hold you in very high regard, Astra. Much greater than anyone else. If I didn't act before you left... I think I would regret it for the rest of my life." Dramatic, but pretty much how he thought. Better to act out now than have regrets of doing nothing later.

Kaz's eyebrows knit and he cast Astra a confused glance when she asked about 'sneaking into a kiss'. Hey... wait, what? That wasn't sneaky at all. She could have pulled back if she didn't want it. "I'm not sure what you mean," he finally admitted, laughing it off. "Maybe you don't remember, but you can't just kiss anyone. I don't know, why, you think that was sneaky of me?" Now he was curious.

Now, Astra was dealing with her brain that was slowly unfogging over time, and a complete lack of memory, along with spotty knowledge in just about everything. She was even dealing with trying to figure out what the man she was spending time with was doing. But she was pretty sure that his line about not just kissing anyone might be accurate. She was also pretty sure sneaking kisses without the other person even knowing them was probably bad. It had felt rather personal when he’d done it, after all. Before that, she wouldn’t have even realized. “Yeah, I do think that was pretty sneaky,” she informed him, sounding more confused than upset. “I wasn’t expecting it at all. Or I might have reacted differently.” She didn’t say how she would have reacted. It wasn’t a secret. She just wasn’t saying.

She spun and walked backwards and slightly in front of Kasimir, her hands behind her back. She pulled out a hand, holding what appeared to be some sort of flower that she quickly cupped in both hands. It was made out of the same energy as the pale and shovel she had made earlier. “I think it’s more special than you want to think it is,” she told him, holding out the rose. As soon as he took it, it would shatter into glass-like shards, which would quickly blow away like dust and disappear without hurting him. The same thing happened with any of her spells she wasn’t in contact with. They were personal too. She gave him a big grin. “It’d be so much more fun with someone you reeeeally liked,” she decided, both informing him and herself. "Instead of the new girl you just met."

Never, never never never, did Kaz expect to hear such words from the amnesiac girl. She thought he'd been sneaky? She would've reacted differently? Kaz stared at her as if completely dazed. Her intonation meant little, all he heard was the words. Still not quite understanding, he stared at her when she turned to face him. Almost in a trance, he reached out to touch the offered flower. The beautiful glass-like creation shattered upon his touch. Something so precious and beautiful that would go away as soon as he got close.

More special than he thought it was, more fun with someone that he 'really' liked, instead of Astra... The words and the rose from earlier completely hammered the last nail in the coffin. He couldn't take it anymore. Astra might have been smiling, her words sounded casual, but it was all just too cruel. He turned away abruptly, mainly so she couldn't see his sullen face. The high, the fake calm he'd had earlier, everything was completely gone. Squatting he began drawing circles in the sand, her words still ringing in his ears.

She'd hit him so hard. Even worse than that, she didn't seem like she was doing it on purpose. Astra had just spoken what she was thinking, completely crushing any fantasies Kaz might have had for them. "I... but I... I...." It was too quiet to be talking to Astra, plus he was now facing away, so it came out more of a mutter. He really had meant that though, had meant everything in his confession so much that it hurt. This was why most people didn't jump in so fast, because it was too hard to face reality when it turned out like this. He gulped, finally turning around to face Astra. "Okay... ... I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable," his expression was still clearly pained. He began to back away, making footprints in the sand. "Th-thanks for today...." If it looked like he was about to bolt... it was because he was. He was about to take off sprinting away from Astra, to get his stuff back at the pier, and then leave Cerulean.

Astra had no idea what she’d done wrong, but she did know that she’d struck some kind of nerve. Kasimir turned and drew circles in the sand for some reason, leaving her with a confused look on her face, looking at his back. Finally, he got back up, apologizing and thanking her for the day she spent with him. Astra would have none of it. As he turned around, presumably to sprint off, Astra latched her arms around him, almost bowling him over the way she leapt at him. She managed to keep them both upright, somehow though.  “Don’t run away,” she pleaded quietly. She felt bad that she had hurt him, even if technically she hadn’t done anything wrong by… just about anyone’s standards.

Kasimir was her new friend. She made friends pretty easily these days. And why not? The amnesiac girl had a lot of people she didn’t remember to make up for, though she didn’t exactly think of it that way. Really, all of the people she had left behind never really occurred to her. It was hard to miss what you weren’t aware you were missing. “We’ve been having fun. It’s okay! I wasn’t mad about the kiss or anything, I promise!” she told him loudly, obviously not wanting him to run and wanting to make sure he was listening. She hadn’t meant anything bad. She hadn’t even been rejecting him. Why should she? He was nice and she didn’t know that he was considered too forward. “…I just…” she quieted down as her voice cracked a bit, feeling awful for hurting his feelings enough to make him run away. “… I just meant…” What did she mean? Now she wasn’t even quite sure. At least she wasn’t crying yet. At any rate, the insightful, deeper Astra was gone again, hiding behind that fog her brain was carrying. Now she just wanted him to stay.

Having a girl latch onto his arm was a pretty good way to stop Kaz from running. He completely froze at Astra's contact, not trying to shake her off for even a moment. With wide eyes, he stared at the girl on his arm. Wait, what? Now Kaz was possibly more confused than Astra. His heart was completely pounding in his ears as he listened to Astra. He could hear the unshed tears in her voice; it was painful to listen to her try and explain hear earlier words. Now he really didn't know what she'd meant.

But it was pretty clear that whatever pain and confusion Astra was experiencing, it was Kaz's fault. Even he recognized it. "...No, stop," he couldn't listen to her anymore. He took his free hand and wrapped her in a hug, pulling her close. It would've been romantic in any other setting, but right now he was still too depressed both about earlier and this new development. He was confusing Astra very badly with his idiocy, and it was hardly a burden that she should be carrying with amnesia. "You haven't done anything wrong," he assured her. "I'm the one who's the idiot here. You're right, these kind of things shouldn't be rushed. I know it doesn't make sense but I..." he hesitated. This was perhaps the first time he'd ever admitted what he truly thought to someone. "...I feel like this is my last day alive. It's not. But that's what I think, every day. It makes me do a lot of stupid stuff. You really shouldn't use me as an example of what's normal or think that everything I do is justified. Because really, even without memories, you've probably got a better grasp on how to handle life than what I do," he finished. Although Kaz might've acted like he had his life in order, acting with far more confidence than he felt, he was acutely aware of how little he knew. He'd jumped at the opportunity of having someone who was also clueless, had emotionally taken advantage of her, and now she was confused. It wasn't fair, especially when it was his fault.

Astra listened to Kasimir’s apology, which sounded pretty honest to her. Not that she was the best judge just yet. She had only just started getting out of the guild hall with any kind of regularity, after all. She stared up at him, still gripped with her arms around his waist, looking up at him with her large blue eyes. She was grinning again, this time because of his last set of words about her knowing more about handling life than he did. She shook her head with a chuckle. “I hope that’s not true. Because I have noooooo idea what I’m doing,” she told him, sounding less concerned and more amused by this fact.

Part of Astra’s mind was concerned, and she desperately wanted to figure things out and be independent. But that part of her mind was easily pushed aside. She was focused on learning and having fun. Regrets were no fun, and she tried her very best not to dwell on things she couldn’t help. There were a lot of things she couldn’t help. Finally, she let go and bounced back onto her heels about a foot away from him, her hands behind her back. She blew her bangs out of her face again. “You can go if you need to,” she told him happily. “I’m having a lot of fun. I just don’t want you to go away sad.”

Kaz smiled a little at Astra's response. She seemed more amused than worried. Which maybe in this scenario... he preferred. She had already been worried enough for today. At least he'd successfully managed to make her feel better. Instead of worse. Usually he seemed to make people feel worse before he made them feel better. He pulled back a little to get a better look at Astra, although her arms were still wrapped around him in a hug.

Kaz chuckled a little when Astra said he could go, now that he was no longer sad. Well he was still sad, but maybe in a more depressed and less dramatic way now. Upset way more with himself than even at Astra's reaction and unintended rejection. She was really too kind to an idiot like him. He had even gone out of his way to admit his own imperfection, but she was simply glad that it wasn't her fault. "I really should go," his smile felt a bit sad. Part of him really wanted to stay, to spend more time with someone like Astra. Especially when she'd apparently forgiven him. But that would be too tempting to revert back to his normal self, to try and take advantage of her emotionally again. "When we meet again, you should still be careful of me, because I probably won't change, okay?" At least it was an indirect way of promising to meet her again, instead of running off forever.

“Silly Kaz,” Astra chuckled when he told her to be careful of him when they met again. He planned to come back, at least. “If people became special over time they wouldn’t need to be so careful, right? I mean, they might be a different kind of special... or it might be okay because they are.” she reasoned, feeling that making the kinds of acquaintances one would enjoy kissing took time. She’d hardly discounted him just yet, despite what he seemed to think. “Okay, I’ll let you go do… whatever Kaz does. I should probably go home before I get into too much trouble anyway,” she brushed her bangs out of her face and gave him a quick wave in almost the same motion. “See you again soon, okay?”

Astra backed away for the first few yards, giving him a grin before romping back to the guild hall. She had a lot to think about after today. Kasimir was an odd guy, and one that was afraid of himself from the sound of it. Maybe he agreed with her, and didn’t think he could control himself. Could Astra control herself if she didn’t have memories to take lessons from? She honestly wasn’t sure. It hadn’t really come up. What did she think of the kiss? It hadn’t been special… but it had been kind of fun now that the shock was over. Maybe she could find someone she enjoyed being around like that. Would it be Kaz or someone else? She supposed only time would tell. In the meantime, she had a lot to learn about life and about herself, and once she had, she had a lot to do if she wanted to actually get on-track for building up her new life and helping people and everything.

-EXIT-