Never Go Back Home

Amie could relate to things he might appear to be separate from. How he acted now was a far cry from how he’d been a decade earlier, or the decade before that. He was old enough to have these changed, but also those had been such stark contrasts from his normal life. He didn’t try to dwell on those things though. It wouldn’t have been surprising of Amie felt jealous of Silver. Kaz seemed to run off, but he really wanted to run back and find this girl. Amie had friends, but no one who just absolutely had to see him. He didn’t really mind, but it was something he could feel a bit jealous about, in the face of such enthusiasm.

“Of course. Common courtesy for the guy who bandaged all my deathly wounds,” he said with a grin. He just had to make some sort of joke out of it. It was how he preferred to communicate. Jokes were fun, and put him at ease. Serious things were dull. Clearly Kaz didn’t want to stick together, but Amie didn’t point this out. No need. Although he did say, “I’ll try to run into you more often to check on that.” When Kaz said that it might be dangerous, Amie chuckled, “Oh, I don’t mind that. Getting into trouble is a specialty of mine, can’t you tell?”

Things seemed to calm down, and then Kaz mentioned Mariana. He hadn’t heard anything, “That’s not surprising. It’s a big world,” he admitted. He’d been looking for years, and come up with nothing, “Actually I was out here looking for her… lovely trap to set for me. Maybe it would be better for her if I didn’t find her. She doesn’t need tied in to all of this… but family’s family, and you’re supposed to stick together…” he said, getting quieter. It was his fault they’d been separated. He left her in that orphanage, but he had to. He’d been too young, and knowing that she at least… had lived, and not dealt with the bandits, that was a condolence. He sounded sad now, but he focused on Kaz’s comment instead. “Oh, well, I appreciate the effort anyway. It’s a nice thought, that someone else is out there looking for her. Well, someone who doesn’t wish her harm.”

Kaz laughed a little when Amie joked. He hoped that the other would help for other reasons outside of obligation. Briefly he thought Amie sounded a little different than normal, but Kaz chalked it up to his imagination. "Ah, I guess my travel situation does make it a little hard to contact me..." he realized. Rarely did he actually want to be found by someone. If he ever made a visit, it was always him traveling to wherever that person lived. And even then, such scenarios were unusual, and limited to work. Former employees were generally easier to get more work from than just anyone off the street. Kaz remained wary of just picking up jobs from the mission board, as he was officially guildless.

"I think you've got enough trouble to deal with without adding more," Kaz grinned. Amie was definitely the type to find trouble, whether it was looking for him or not. Adding even more to that just seemed unnecessary. Besides, Kaz was okay with meeting Silver later instead of immediately. It would at least give him something to investigate for a while. "Between that and stumbling across me again, it might not be worth your time to look for her. I'm sure I'll get something to work out," he decided not to trouble Amie not anymore with personal goals. Especially potentially dangerous goals.

Quietly Kaz listened as Amie explained about Mariana, along with Amie's original reason for being out in such an obscure location. "Really? They knew who you were looking for, and set a trap just to try and catch you?" He supposed that would make sense. Kaz completely knew Amie's strength first-hand, and anything except an unfair fight wouldn't be enough to take him down. But to actually try and lure Amie all the way out here... Well, maybe Amie had been exaggerating; perhaps it was just poor coincidence that he and the other men had met at all. That or... they really did hate Amie as much as he thought they did. "You can't give up looking for her now..." Kaz frowned a little. Amie almost sounded like he was giving up, but that couldn't be right. "You've come so far, and what if she actually does need your help? At least you'd be there to protect her." There was a chance that Mariana was already in danger, and with few that would care about her fate. If that was the case, she would only need Amie more. "Besides, I think this time was just a fluke. If someone does come after her because of you, I think you'd be able to take them on."

Kaz acknowledged that it could be hard to find him. At least as far as getting ahold of Amie, he went back to his guild periodically. Back home to base. It might take him a while to get back there, but he always did. Unless he died, then he totally wouldn’t’ go home, but then again he wouldn’t be going anywhere if that happened, so what did it matter? He thought about Mariana. If he died… if she actually checked back in to the orphanage, and he’d left her a message, and he was dead… Amie wasn’t going to let his thoughts show. Although thinking of the orphanage, he supposed he should head there to check back. If she had gone there… well he should leave another message. Mention Lamia Scale. Then at least she could look him up if need be.

Amie just shook his head at Kaz. Saying Amie had enough trouble. “You can never have enough trouble, don’t you know that?” Besides, Kaz was dismissing Amie’s attempts to help. He could say what he wanted. Kaz was a nice guy who Amie liked. True. But Amie was going to do what he was going to do, and no amount of telling Amie he should leave it alone was going to change that.”So, if you knew how dangerous inquiring about my sister might be… based on my asking about her ending me up ambushed… should I tell you to stop trying?” He wanted to see how Kaz reacted to that. Would he agree? See the dilemma? Should Amie tell him not to look? He wasn’t sure.

Kaz asked about the trap and Amie really, really wanted to shrug. Instead he just smiled, “Crafty old bandits, hm? By now most of them won’t even know me, but oh… the ones who do, they’ve got it in their head they have a plan.” It was the comment about Mari that got Amie quiet again. Amie was her big brother, he was supposed to protect her. He knew he wanted to find her. Did he need to find her, as badly as he thought he did? His jaw set, which only caused to stretch his face slightly, and he winced at the cut on his head. He remembered the wild panic he’d been feeling when he shot the person going after her as a baby. He remembered the desperation when he was trying to protect her when they were children. “I don’t know. I probably should have just stayed with her back then…” back when they were kids. Maybe he wouldn’t have drawn as much attention as he thought. He couldn’t know. “Nevermind. I don’t want to think about it. Can we talk about something else?”

Amie seemed to enjoy trouble. Kaz, on the other hand, would have preferred a more quiet life. He'd already had enough trouble, and probably would settle down somewhere and live a quiet life... if his wanderlust ever ended, and if he was ever given enough peace and quiet. "Well... that's..." Kaz faltered as Amie pointed out the dangers of inquiring the sister. He could see what Amie meant: their situations were very similar, and Kaz had two different opinions. Although Kaz didn't mind if he found trouble on the behalf of Amie, he did mind if Amie found trouble on Kaz's behalf. It was a completely unfair double standard, one he hadn't realized until Amie pointed it out. And now Kaz was left wondering what angle to take on all of this. "Okay, fair enough," he conceded, deciding Amie probably had a similar outlook to Kaz's own. "I'm still going to look for your sister regardless, so I won't tell you to stop looking for Silver anymore." He still didn't want Amie to find more trouble, but Kaz realized he was being unfair. Besides, he really did believe in Amie's strength, so he would prefer to trust him than not.

Kaz's attempt at a pep talk seemed to be having the opposite effect. Amie seemed even more melancholy than before, even asking for them to change the topic. "Oh, um, sorry!" Kaz blushed furiously in embarrassment, hiding his face between his knees. Saying stupid things was a specialty of his, and apparently he'd just said something extremely stupid without even realizing it. His overeager attitude to apologize and fix it usually just made the situation worse too. Both problems which he was acutely aware of, which made it all the more awkward. Normally he would backpedal the conversation to an earlier point, or just straight up leave, but neither was really an option at this point. His mind had blanked on where to take the conversation, and he couldn't exactly bolt completely when Amie was still injured.

Abruptly Kaz rose to his feet, back to Amie so the other wouldn't quite see his face. "I, uhh, I'm going to take a quick look around. I won't be gone long or too far, so um, keep resting and we can continue traveling when I get back." There was really nothing smooth about what he was doing, but the urge to avoid the situation entirely and get away was too great. He was already starting to walk away without waiting for Amie's response.

The two people in this conversation were grown adults. Varying amounts well-adjusted men, and yet, Amie wasn’t really seeing much of that from either of them by the end of it. At first they were doing alright. Amie pointed out that Kaz was treating him with a double standard. Worst case scenario he backed out of looking for Mari. It would hurt. It was nice for someone to actually try to help Amie with that. It was rare, and for all the issues his history had in it, he appreciated anyone willing to help. Instead of backing out, Kaz relented, agreeing to let Amie do exactly what Amie was going to do whether Kaz told him he could or not. Ambrose smiled, “Awesome. Thanks.”

That was the good part. The bad part far outweighed the good part in length. The importance of either side probably fell to the good being more crucial. Unfortunately the bad just kept rolling, like a horrible train wreck, it just kept on smashing around. Amie was about ready to hit himself for being stupid when Kaz got even more uncomfortable. Sure it came as a result of Amie being uncomfortable, but that didn’t mean he wanted Kaz to feel the same way. Amie wasn’t sure what to do at that point, but then Kaz was standing and Amie was just sure he’d leave. He said he wouldn’t be gone long, and his excuse was neither convincing nor did it make any sense. Looking around? Yeah, seemed necessary right now. “You don’t…” he’d nearly asked Kaz to stay, but he hadn’t gotten that far. Kaz didn’t need to leave, but he was already walking off.

Amie was left alone at one of the worst points of his… year? He wasn’t sure the last time he’d felt this desperate or worried about Mariana. He wasn’t sure the last time he’d gotten injured this much this far from home. When Kaz was gone Amie swore under his breath. He was leaned against a tree, and swung his arm back against it hard. His poor forearm came back throbbing and covered in bits of bark. Well, more so the sleeve it was in. He swore again and dusted it off, making sure he hadn’t done any real damage to it. At least this gave his mind a chance to calm down. He put his hands in his lap eventually, drained and waiting for Kaz to come back, if he did. Relying on people wasn’t too hard, except when they up and walked off like that… again.

Kaz thought he heard Amie say something, but Kaz was practically already gone. Naturally he suspected Amie would protest, and Kaz had given him little opportunity to stop him. After a few seconds of furious walking, Kaz slowed himself down. Taking a deep breath, he stopped himself from wandering around like an idiot. The last thing he needed now was to get lost. Besides, as long as he was out, he should at least try to make good on his word. He did start paying attention to his surroundings, checking common signs of enemy pursuit or trackers.

But really, he was mainly just thinking. The conversation with Amie had thrown him off. Kaz liked the guy, but there was always a certain edge. Like an invisible boundary that neither could cross. One that Kaz felt like he was on the verge of crossing at times. It was hard because Kaz couldn't read what was close to setting it off, until he was practically over it. The whole being too far and too close thing. Leaving probably had made it worse. Or maybe better in the long run. Kaz couldn't gauge that either. Then again, Amie was in poor condition right now. Leaving him alone for too long would undoubtedly invite trouble.

So even though the thought of returning made him cringe, because coming back after leaving so abruptly would be socially even more awkward.... Kaz decided to head back after a few minutes of alone time. When... something caught his eye. "Huh?" Kaz did a double take; that couldn't be right. Warily he looked around, but couldn't sense anything dangerous....

A few minutes had passed since Kaz had left Amie. Kaz returned, not quite as sheepish as he originally thought he would. Albeit, still not quite with all his confidence. "Well uh, no enemies, but..." When he returned, he was clearly holding something in his hands. Of all things, in his hands was a gingerbread house. The roof was made of gumdrops and frosting, the rest following the traditional graham cracker building with various candy as decoration. Kaz sat down next to Amie again, this time placing the gingerbread house between them. For all intents and purposes, the gingerbread house seemed like a normal gingerbread house... but what in the world was it doing in a forest?

Kaz's eyes flickered to the tree. Maybe it was his imagination, but he thought there was a scratch there he didn't quite remember. Hesitantly his gaze turned back to Amie. Kaz really didn't know if he should be apologizing or not, or still going with his excuse of looking around. Well, he'd found this gingerbread house, so maybe it hadn't been a total waste. "I wish I could say I baked it myself, but I actually just... found it on the grass." Curiously he touched the gingerbread house roof. The frosting was dry, but the gumdrop was still soft... so it couldn't have been sitting out there long. Kaz had only seen a gingerbread house once before, during the holidays... he passed a bakery that had one out on display. And he lacked the funds to purchase it, so... sitting here staring at it, was really starting to get him curious about how it tasted. Eating strange things he found in the forest was probably a bad idea, but the thought was growing increasingly more tempting.

Some people, namely Kaz, had a bad habit of running away. Amie wasn’t one for serious emotionally heavy conversations but he sort of felt like sitting Kaz down and going “no,” before he ran off again. Except he wasn’t scolding a puppy, so there was no way that would have made sense. At least it was one way to avoid all that serious stuff. Who wanted that? Clearly not Kaz. Amie was just sitting there, thinking, wanting not to lose his cool again and mess up the nice coat. He had an appreciation for nice things, and he had an appreciation for his friends. It would not do to mess up something he was borrowing. Only borrowing it because he was injured, but he’d take it.

Amie didn’t care about being left alone while injured. He’d been through worse. He’d been beaten up past the point of walking, and literally tossed into his room… his storage shed, basically. He was fine being alone now, at least he knew no one was going to open up the door and inform him it was time for round two… round fifty, the next day, week, month. Yep… he wasn’t living that way right now, but he was having trouble making his mind not take a long visit. Being with Kaz at least offered a sense of reality, a reminder of the real world. Being without him… Amie was just… here. Willing himself to wait until Kaz got back and not think about anything too seriously.

Kaz was back, acting a bit off, but better than when he had left. Amie supposed he couldn’t face what they were talking about. He wasn’t sure why, since it had been Amie’s issue, not Kaz’s… but that was his best guess. “I didn’t expect you to find any,” Amie said quietly. He was struggling right now, to find who he was in the middle of all his memories. Fortunately Kaz was holding a gingerbread house. Wait… what? “Just gone picking up snacks or what?” Amie said, finding his usual joking comment, although his tone came off more serious than usual. He also relaxed some as Kaz sat down. That meant he wasn’t going to just run off quite yet. It wasn’t that much of a concern, but it was nice insurance.

“… You just found that?” Amie asked, looking from the object to Kaz. Amie had seen some strange things, but this just didn’t make sense. He didn’t trust it. “What the what?” he asked, dumbfounded and almost amused by all this. “Please just don’t eat it. I mean, I know the forest it known for providing game and stuff… but uh… not like that.” Besides… its sort of creepy… is someone watching us? Seriously… what the what?! “That’s just… does that mean someone else is around here? Planting sweets?”

Kaz's strange find had, in a way, averted a lot of the subsequent awkward conversation. Which was good, because Kaz thought that Amie's expression looked particularly cross. It was a hard mix, because Kaz felt guilty. But bringing it up would only make it worse, so it was something he was glad to avoid for now. Amie wasn't hurt, at least not more physically hurt than when Kaz had left, so no harm no foul. Kaz shrugged ruefully at Amie's half jokes, half serious questions. "I'm afraid there's not too much more to the story, I really just found it laying out there..." Kaz laughed a little nervously. It felt uncanny, to just pick up a gingerbread house in the middle of nowhere.

"I mean, it might be strange, but it kind of lacks in the 'sinister' department," Kaz's attention curiously turned back to the gingerbread house. He sighed a little. The thought of eating it had crossed his mind... And Amie was giving him that look as if he knew what Kaz was thinking. "It seems like a waste, though. If we're not going to eat it, what would we do with it?" He knew Amie was right; eating it would probably be a bad idea. But it was also such a shameful thing to waste, especially if it turned out to be harmless.

"This must mean we're near civilization, right?" Kaz concluded hopefully. Maybe they could stop wandering around lost. "Like you said, this couldn't exactly grow from a tree. I doubt someone would actually put it there and hope one of us would pick it up, though..." He shrugged. He had looked around on a mere whim, and doubted someone would be able to predict his movement and place the gingerbread house there. And if so... to what end? Most people probably wouldn't consume a gingerbread house they found in the forest, so it seemed unlikely to be poisoned, too. "I could show you where I found it, maybe we'll find out some clues there, although I didn't see anything at a first glance. If someone lost this on accident, they might want it back too..." That seemed slightly more likely. Except for it being out in the forest part, that still didn't make sense.

Kaz was a source of confusion and confusing emotions for Amie, but he supposed now wasn’t really the time to fixate. The gingerbread house was just too weird. Kaz just found one sitting on the ground. Sure, normal a childhood hadn’t been Amie’s strong point. Sure, actually having sweets right now might dull the awfulness of being injured, but Amie learned not to trust strangers. From the time he was born, he was told not to trust strangers. No strangers, no one but family. And no one outside of family should have trusted them either. He didn’t trust handouts that much now, unless he at least knew the person giving them out. Nature gave Ambrose a lot of things… gingerbread houses somehow missed the list, until today.

“I have a very different relationship with sinister. The more innocent something looks… sometimes the worse it is,” he said. Speaking from experience. Speaking about himself. As a child. He just wanted to get out of these woods and stop being in this mindset. He didn’t know anything about the treat, but it just felt wrong. “A waste, hm? I can buy you one when we get to town if you like,” he said. Okay, so that was partially because he just wanted to do something nice for Kaz. He could clear the air, repay him a bit for the help, and of course he could also spend more time with him. Win, win, win, right?

“Hm, that’s a good point,” Amie said thoughtfully. If someone left this out here, that meant someone was nearby, right? Although, “Though it must be a civilization of people who leave candy houses on the ground…” Kaz suggested showing Amie where he found it. “Yeah, that sounds good…” Except walking. That didn’t sound god. Kaz had helped him get as far as the tree, and Amie’s leg was going to scream as soon as he stood. Oh well, he pushed himself up from the spot, coat on still, and refusing to acknowledge the searing pain from standing unaided. “Alright, show me the way. Maybe someone was trying to win your favor from afar. Sprinkling treats from the sky, right?” he teased.