Off the Handle

Kade needed to train. He needed to punch someone. He needed to get out. He needed some air. He tugged at his collar when he heard what Ambrose said. That punk little child said, what?! He unbuttoned his shirt all the way and pulled it off. He crumbled up the shirt and instead of putting it down, threw it on his floor.

“He said WHAT?!” Kade snapped, his voice raising. Amie looked at him, seeming worried for his friend but in no way afraid. That was good. It wouldn’t do for Amie to be afraid of Kade. Kade was always calm and collected, and Amie was liable to start a fist fight just for fun. He was a capable fighter and had no reason to be afraid of Kade. But seriously. Ambrose repeated what he’d told Kade. Tatsuma had told everyone he was a dragon slayer, during the tournament. “That… that…” Kade swore, his fists clenched. He heard something weird from Ambrose at that point.

“Hit my hand. Go ahead.”

“… What?” Kade asked, his fuming not actually calming down, but his confusion coming out. Amie raised his hands up.

“Just punch them. You need to vent. For… whatever reason. I don’t really know what the deal is, but you need something to calm you down, man. So punch me.” Kade saw the sign that Ambrose armor was up, which was good, because Kade really wanted to hurt someone.

239/3000

Kade probably should have declined punching his friend. Even if it was just a hand, a well prepared and defended hand, he should have said no. He didn’t need to fuel his anger, and yet… with a quick mental agreement Kade took a swing at Ambrose, punching the man in the hand hard. Ambrose didn’t show any pain, but Kade just kept wanting to sweep his leg out from under him. It was his fighting style. Use his whole body, use his legs, throw his weight around and don’t be stupid. Stupid was fighting to fast or too much in the same pattern. An enemy could learn the pattern, and if you were stupidly fighting as fast as humanly possible, they could just wait you out if they had any sense. He wasn’t a stupid fighter, and his instincts were for survival. He held back though. This wasn’t a sparring match, this was just something to let off some steam.

“You can keep going,” Ambrose said, still standing there, sounding serious but not bothered by the punch. Kade shook his head. “Fine, we’ll go outside. I’d rather you not trash your bedroom.”

Kade grumbled. It was a good thing he didn’t have a roommate. This probably wouldn’t have gone over well. “Yeah, fine,” he mumbled as he walked outside, literally just dropping his things on the floor.

466/3000

Ambrose followed Kade outside without the usual pep in his step. Kade’s fists were still clenched tight. How could he? What did he learn!? Rhidran, right? Sure Celtor said she was more violent but she wasn’t stupid! How could he do this?! Its disrespectful to everything we were taught. Celtor would have told me if she was stupid. They would never have let us tell about this. Even Kotone… I know people know she is a dragon slayer but that was because she was young. She embraces it… but she wouldn’t have announced it. And there wasn’t even any reason, according to Amie. How self-important does he think he is!? He’s above all the things we were taught? I’m sure, he’s young, and he must have been ripped away from his mother at a younger age, but come on! He kicked the dirt as they stepped outside, he wanted to throttle that child. Just offering that information up is stupid, but to tell the whole of the guilds? What does he want, infamy? He is already a homicidal egomaniac. I really wish I could talk to Celtor… maybe even Kotone. Some other dragon slayer, make sure I’m not the only one thinking he’s stupid. This is just… impossibly stupid.

675/3000

“Hey,” Amie said, nudging Kade’s shoulder. Kade jumped back, smacking the hand down with his fist. His eyes widened, realizing how on edge he was. Amie knew it though, and was clearly poking at Kade to get him to respond.

“Don’t…” he said, taking a deep breath.

“And why not, Kade? You need to let something out. You’re wound like a coil and you’ll snap at something. You’re around a lot of things you love, so snap at me and get it done with.”

It actually wasn’t a bad argument, but Kade just shook his head. Not declining, just thinking. He pushed his hair back, needing to think. Needing to think clearly. Except all his thoughts were red. Amie apparently decided now was a good time to nudge his shoulder again, but instead of reaching his shoulder, Amie was intercepted. Kade grabbed the man’s arm, spinning it around to pin behind his back. He went to kick Amie in the back and force him forward and away, but Amie stomped the ground, leaning back into Kade. His spell sent them both flying backward, landing on Kade’s back, with Ambrose, a full grown and muscular man, on top of him. The air escaped Kade’s body in a moment and Amie rolled off of him. Kade still wasn’t keen on fighting his friend, but all manner of reasonable thought had left him and he just wanted to hit things.

912/3000

With Amie rolling off of Kade, Kade jumped up, only to dive on his friend. It wasn’t sparing, it wasn’t a quarrel. He wasn’t using his technique. He was just attacking. He grabbed Amie by the shoulders and smashed him against the ground, but Amie was experienced in this sort of fighting. He was good at survival and brawling. Kade was good at martial arts and precise movements. He needed his head clear to make any sort of difference. This was honestly really pathetic, and he should probably be ashamed of himself, but as Amie pushed him off, all he could think was that he needed to keep fighting. It was important even though he wasn’t really sure why. This was how his mind shut down. He clicked off. He wasn’t thinking about the past, the future, or the present. He was just acting, and all his actions said that he wanted to break Ambrose’ nose. He absolutely had no interest in hurting his friend, but for this he was swinging wildly. They ended up near each other, and where Kade would normally be dodging and blocking, that was Ambrose’ job. He shifted to miss a swing, then fell to a leg sweep, and they were on the ground, rolling around and laying into each other in what looked like a blood feud.

1135/3000

This was not something the two men would talk about later. This was not something that Kade wanted to think about. He connected a fist to Amie’s face, his arm was knocked away and he felt the searing pain in his nose. He grabbed Amie’s arm, twisting it around, but as he was blocked he elbowed Ambrose in the back of the head. It wasn’t survival, it was bloody and needless and he honestly hated that. He just couldn’t think. It was that childish urge in him to hurt everything around him. That was a horrible impulse for a dragon slayer. It was dangerous for anyone with any sort of power. It was like… no. Nope. No. He started swearing incoherently, saying something about stupidity and not being that way, and Amie went on the defensive. He worked on blocking his friend, not sure what exactly was happening. He didn’t really want to die, and though it wasn’t clear who was the better combatant, Kade had heightened abilities due to his dragon slayer heritage. Luckily it wasn’t really that difficult to block a raging bull. Until the trees got in the way. He knocked Amie into a tree, and while Amie had intended to flip back to get away, he was now trapped. He ducked just as Kade’s fist knocked into the tree, his arm glowing brightly as the tree cracked slightly behind him. It was lucky Kade wasn’t a close combat fighter by nature.

1380/3000

“Kade! What is the deal?!” Ambrose asked loudly, pushing his friend off him. The fight could have continued, but why? What point was there? This was insane, and they both knew it. Except that Kade was panting and his hand was now bleeding and he just wanted to keep punching, even if all he was hitting was the tree.

“What does it matter?!” he shouted, his fangs coming out. It was lucky his arm had stopped glowing. It was lucky it was dark out, it was lucky Amie had backed off. He did not want this to happen. “You don’t-….” he stopped himself. He wouldn’t. He wouldn’t do that to his friend. He put a hand to his head, nearly tearing out some of his hair. “No, no, I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t lose my temper like this.”

“I hate to break it to you, buddy… but we’re waaaaay past that revelation,” Amie said, his teasing let Kade know it wasn’t too bad. He still wasn’t happy with himself. He was so stupid. He couldn’t even laugh at the teasing like he normally would. He just looked away.

“I... should go.”

“Hey, hey, Kade? Kade, come on, what’s wrong? Can you talk about this?” Ambrose sounded worried now, finally. Kade sighed. He knew the answer though, and it wouldn’t be what Amie preferred.

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“I don’t know! I can’t handle this! I can’t… I… just let me go okay?!” he was shouting now. Raising his voice helped no one, but he felt like it helped. He could simply not cope. Ambrose clearly wanted to talk, to help, but Kade wasn’t going to help it. “I cannot lose my temper like this, okay?! NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!” he shouted again. He pushed past his friend, grabbing his bow from near the building. There. He didn’t need any help. He didn’t need anything. He was fine, and he had his gear and he was gone. He didn’t need anyone, or anything. He’d already lost everything twice. Maybe he should go back to his island and rebuilt it. Maybe it should be a museum. In memory of his father who left him. The one who promised to take care of him when everything fell apart. The one who taught him how to control his temper. He let out a loud scream, then began running through the forest. Was his nose bleeding? Was that why he was struggling to breath? He slowed to a stop a while off, coughing and gasping. He eventually caught his breath and fell against a tree. This was going to suck. He knew his friend wouldn’t say anything… but he couldn’t just go back. Not until he felt he was under control. This was so far from under control it was insulting.

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No doubt his friend was going to worry, but Kade’s head was spinning. He got to his feet again and started walking. In the dark he didn’t want to rely on his senses. He was flooded with emotion and all he could smell was blood. He couldn’t see very well, and his heart was pounding in his ears. Kade’s body began glowing. He didn’t really care if he was being watched. If it was someone dangerous, he could get into a fight with them, if it wasn’t someone dangerous… he would keep walking. Ugh, that was stupid. What if they needed help? Shouldn’t his first impulse always be to help people out? Apparently he was completely gone. He had his bow over his shoulder now, walking fast through the trees, running into a few of them with his shoulder, but not caring. He kept wiping his nose with the back of his hand, the blood smearing everywhere as he tried to get it off. Most of his forearm was red now, and he knew most of his face was too. Kade eventually stopped, putting a hand against a tree and holding it to catch his breath. His chest was aching, and he stopped glowing while he did this, but it let him realize just how exhausted he was.

2061/3000

Eventually the walking began again. He wasn’t that tired, but he just felt like he wasn’t in control of where he went or how fast. He began running again from time to time. He felt almost delirious. He remembered the endurance training his father had given him. It was all about knowing his limits and not letting anyone else know them. He was to be in control and guard himself from the flash and the quick victory. He was not supposed to be off the handle.

Kade was failing, and he knew that, but there wasn’t a whole lot to do about it now but come down from this high. He just… couldn’t. He couldn’t stop thinking in a circle. He remembered the training, the respect he’d been given even as a child. He learned to be the best he could, and he was proud of all of his achievements, both for himself and for Celtor. He was something special being taught by someone far more important than he could ever be. And… that was what Tatsuma was too. But what did he do with that? He just shrugged it off and did whatever his pathetic whims told him he could do.

2263/3000

Kade couldn’t calm himself down. His head just kept spinning back and forth. Respect. Disrespect. Anger. Guilt. Respect. And then it would spin around again. He was giving this kid such a hold over him, but he didn’t want that. He wanted to fix this and not have to deal with these feelings again. He knew better though. He was always going to have to deal with these feelings, because there were always situations which would set him off. People who could set him off. Like dark guild members, and yet he wasn’t stupid enough to think he could play god with their lives! He didn’t sit around and find himself so self-important that he got to pick and choose who could live and who could die. He didn’t decide who would change and who wouldn’t learn. He wasn’t the one who decided which actions did or didn’t deserve punishment by death. He wasn’t judge, jury, and executioner. But that kid…. And here was the anger. The violent tendencies bubbling to the surface. An angry grown came from Kade and he knocked his elbow against a tree he found behind him. He might scratch up his arm, but it was fine. He could heal it up later. He needed to get his head on straight first.

2479/3000

Eventually Kade let himself sleep. It was hard, and he had to roll onto his side because he kept waking up spitting out blood that he dripped into his open mouth. The morning was bright and warm. He loved that, normally, but today it didn’t do much for him. He sat up and his head was throbbing. Where he might have sat around and let the headache go away, today was not one of those “normal” days. Today he jumped to his feet, throwing his bow on his back again and kept walking. Soon this turned to running. He should hear better again, even as his heart rate picked up. He could hear the sound of his footsteps hitting into the dirt. It was good he had proper shoes for this at least. His running turned to sprinting, but it wasn’t fast enough. It just… wasn’t enough. He started trying to force himself to go faster. He focused his magic on his legs, on the rest of his body, on moving, and soon things started passing by faster. His eyes turned white and a low glow surrounded him as light appear to be trying to force its energy out of him.

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As he reached the peak of his speed he saw something blue ahead of him. It was a ways off, but things were coming at him quickly, so he highly doubted this was going to be a problem. He kept running, and soon the trees opened up into a large body of water. Instead of stopping, or trying to veer out of the way, Kade just ran right into it, jumping at the last second and diving in. He broke the surface and everything felt better. The cool water rushing past his face, covering him as he sunk toward the bottom. He turned his body upward and avoided hitting the bottom of the lake. That would have been detrimental, possibly suicidal. He reached the air, taking a big gasp and swimming over to the other side. He stopped glowing and felt tired, but not exhausted. When Kade’s feet could touch the ground he began washing off his face and arm. The reddish water dissipated and he walked closer to the edge. He was in up to his knees when he saw a boar. It was familiar to him, from the tournament, but this one was quite different. This one wasn’t targeting, and it wouldn’t prove a real threat. Still, he needed to eat, and he realized he was famished.

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He pulled his bow off, holding it there. Slowly Kade then pulled a string of light from his hand. It formed into an arrow which he then put in his bow. Standing in the water, the sun still only so high in the sky, his light arrow’s reflection shining in the lake, Kade felt the greatest focus he had in days. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and then slowly opening them up again. He found the boar, lined up his arrow, and shot. Once the first shot flew he pulled out a second and shot it at as well. Both arrows made contact and the boar went down. Kade let out one more deep breath and stepped out of the water to head to the boar.

Perhaps this was the answer to his general feeling of chaos. He needed to perform his magic. That was, after all, what he’d been trained to do. He’d been taught to garden, to read, to think critically and be above the animals. He was a sentient being, not some… creature driven by base desires. It calmed him to channel his magic and perform a task. He needed to do that, and to get stronger. If he got stronger he wouldn’t be forced to follow the whims of reckless children. He could actually help people.

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