Tying up a few loose ends

Ugh, and now he was standing there looking all innocent and confused. She frowned at him, just… She didn’t know how he could be this lost. She’d just wanted to kiss him, since she liked him. And she wanted to be close to him, since she liked him. And she wanted to be happy and not rejected when she actually cared. He didn’t even know what was happening. It probably could have been handled differently, sure. It wasn’t like she exactly had experience with this situation. She wasn’t going to stand here and say she wanted something more than this.

I er… what am I…? She sighed. He looked so adorable being confused and apparently intimidated. She couldn’t handle being mean to him. Not that she’d been mean, but… well, she liked him a lot. Stupid Shar. Bad at what? Okay, she could work with that. “Bad at knowing how to handle this. Bad at… actually showing if you even want to do this, the kissing… bad at showing if you don’t, even.” She took a deep breath, exhaled slowly, and watched him. She didn’t like this, but he looked too helpless to just leave. She liked him too much to just give up. He didn’t even know what was happening.

“Er…” Sharaku shoved his hands in his shorts pockets a bit nervously. Tabitha was being… well… not conducive to him being able to not panic and say something stupid, and he was trying very hard right at this moment not to do something like that. Like… really hard. Sharaku wasn’t romantic. He wasn’t even close to ideal as a guy to date. He knew that. He also knew that for some reason, women liked him. He didn’t exactly mind that part, but he did think it probably wasn’t the smartest thing they could do.

“Well, I mean, I’m not complaining… but I don’t…” Yes Sharaku, put your foot in your mouth. Maybe if you get it in as far as you can, she’ll hit it with a hammer and send it into your stomach. “What I mean to say is…” Nope, you’ve got nothing. You aren’t helping anyone… gods it would be better if you just never talked to anyone like you’d originally hoped. He chuckled nervously, though his eyes flicked back to her despite looking away as he did. He probably shouldn’t have chuckled. She would take it the wrong way. “I ah… well… sorry…” he managed after a moment. He was bad at it. She was right. She really shouldn’t be expecting any different, because it was a struggle just to get this far.

It was lucky for Sharaku that Tabitha wasn’t exactly like all the other girls who liked him. Girls liked him because he was good looking. Tabitha thought he was a good looking decoration, but that didn’t mean much in the long run. What mattered was their time in the woods, being able to relax around him, seeing his reaction when she’d been hurt. What mattered was laying against him in bed, and going to him when she was bleeding out. Unfortunately for Sharku, Tabitha was still human, and girl, on top of that.

His hands were in his pockets, and he was so awkward. He wasn’t complaining “but.” She crossed her arms. What he meant to say was… silence. He chuckled. Her arms remained crossed. Augh. He, well, sorry. She narrowed her eyes. Not angry, but absolutely scrutinizing him right now. “You didn’t say anything. Instead of walking out and being upset, which would get nowhere… I’m going to stand here. Just right here,” and she did not care if it was intimidating. “Because… I want to kiss you, and be nice to you. And that’s dangerous for a girl like me,” she said, sighing, relenting. Stupid Sharaku… She walked up to him, grabbed his hand and looked at him. If he pulled away… don’t. “So carefully consider what you want to do right now.”

Tabitha was going to stand there. Just right there. Intimidatingly. She didn’t care. The fact that she didn’t care didn’t have to be advertised – Sharaku knew that she didn’t care. She was committed to what she was doing. She wanted to kiss him and be nice to him. She was being vulnerable and that was dangerous to her. It was dangerous for Sharaku too. He shouldn’t. He really shouldn’t… not if…

Sharaku had to carefully consider what he wanted to do – not because she said it, but because there wasn’t much of a return from something like she was proposing. He shouldn’t even be half as attached as he was, but… for some **** reason he wasn’t able to shake the feelings he’d tried to let go of when he’d left his family.

“…” Sharaku didn’t even open his mouth for what felt to him like an eternity. When he did, not a lot came out. “I…” He looked at her, his eyes continuing to search for some answer on her features. What was he supposed to say? Words were stupid and useless. He’d never been good at them. It was like the gods cruel joke to put his so-called good looks with his own perceived lack of social grace. Screw it. Sharaku stepped a bit closer, reached out, grabbed Tabitha gently just above her hips, and pulled her close, giving her a long, sincere kiss. He might end up regretting this. Worse, she might end up regretting this. It didn’t matter. He was tired of pretending he didn’t care about things just to spare them trouble later. He'd made enough bad decisions already. What would one more hurt?

Shar thought that there was no coming back from doing something. He thought that what he did not couldn’t be returned from. What Tabitha had done couldn’t be returned from. She was good enough at steeling herself against the world. She could act fine after this, but unfortunately Sharaku knew her well enough to see through the minor changes. She didn’t want that. She also didn’t want to keep away from him. She liked their strange friendship that sometimes allowed for days of yelling at herself for liking him, or evenings clinging to his arm on the way home from a job. She didn’t like playing pretend with a boy she would much rather actually care about.

So he started at her, opened his mouth. She was trying not to fixate on his mouth. He wasn’t really accomplishing much by talking, but he moved closer to her. That was good right? She wanted it to be good. She willed it to be a good sign. He put his hands on her and that horrible weakness welled up in her chest. He wasn’t allowed to spend much time keeping her waiting now. She couldn’t handle the tension. Fortunately he didn’t keep her waiting long. She didn’t want that stupid vulnerable expression on her face any longer.

His lips found hers in what definitely felt like the first kiss he’d participated in. Tabitha’s hands went up to the side of his face. Screw smart. This was worth it. A girl happy playing men like Marionette’s, falling all over herself for a man. It wasn’t quite true, but it felt like it. Luckily his face felt soft and she kissed him again. She allowed herself to pull back enough breathe. Eyes cautiously looking up into his. Should she say something? Do something? Say and do nothing? She looked at him, silently thinking, but then settled on kissing him again, gently. I was still completely possible he would run at any time, but his hands on her felt reassuring, and she was going to keep this feeling while she could.

Sharaku could tell that Tabitha wasn't exactly sure of things, herself. She seemed different in this scenario. She was... unsure, slightly hesitant, and most of all, completely sincere, at least as far as Sharaku could tell. He liked that. It was weird, but after months of convincing himself he didn't need friends and shouldn't have any hopes beyond fulfilling the reason he joined Shadow Heart in the first place, he couldn't help but want to allow for some happiness now. He blamed her, but... not really in a bad way.

Sharaku pulled his face away slightly, but not far enough to look like he was pulling away from Tabitha, looking at her face. “I get the feeling some job wasn’t your only reason for visiting,” he mused with a slight grin before giving her one more kiss. He let out a sigh. “And here I thought I was going to be over that awkward phase with you. Now you’ve given me entirely new reasons to be awkward.”

Sharaku rested his forehead on hers, also not actually sure what he should be doing. She probably expected something. He didn’t, mostly because he had no idea what to expect. Today was an interesting day.

Yes, she was vulnerable and human. Ew. She didn’t like showing off those traits. It was better to be a ventriloquist, getting people to say what she wanted, and a puppet master, getting people to do what she wanted. Better… well, alright maybe not better. This was better. This was worth the effort. He had been more standoffish and she didn’t usually care. She could tell he was fond of her company, and it was enough for a while. Now it wasn’t enough. She just wanted more and she wasn’t sure where that stopped yet.

Shar pulled away some, but was still close. He was looking at her and she felt a bit more sensitive than usual. Not awkward, not embarrassed, just maybe confused. What was he thinking? Oh… that. She smiled. “I don’t remember. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while…” Apparently this was going to extend his awkwardness around her. “Oh, that is fine. I enjoy it. Its endearing…”

Tabitha closed her eyes. His forehead against hers felt intimate. Not in a sexual way at all. Just a closeness, a safe little place to be. She also didn’t know what to do after this. She wanted to be able to do things with him, but didn’t need a label. She also wanted to claim him, but that didn’t mean they had to date or something. She just didn’t want to share. She could always harm girls who flirted with him. He might dislike that. Okay she wouldn’t. Maybe. She kisses him gently again, her lips barely grazing his. This was weird, but nice. “I’d like to keep standing here… but I think you might melt…” No one wanted that, after all.