Past and Present

It was past noon, three days after Astra had come back to Lamia Scale after having disappeared for a while. In those three days, she hadn’t left her room. She hadn’t eaten or anything unless people had brought something to her. It was hard to say what was going on in the formerly bubbly girl’s head. She had never kept secrets before. But when she’d returned, she’d not said a word and simply shut herself in. The lights were off, but there was plenty of sun coming in through her open window.

Astra didn’t know what to do, really. It was a beautiful, cool day outside. It wasn’t so bad she needed a jacket, but wouldn’t be too bad if she brought one either. She brushed her red streak of hair from her eyes as she sat on her bed, watching the day from the mirror opposite the window.

The aura magic user was wearing a large t-shirt – one that was far less skimpy than her usual clothes, though it was definitely still her favorite color – black. There were red letters with the name of an all wizard band she’d never heard of on her shirt who called themselves the Black Mages on the front and back. She was in similarly colored short shorts. Her hair was longer than it usually got before she trimmed it, and she had the back in a short ponytail so that it was off of her ears. Her usual red streak was in her hair, as was a newer one from when she’d gotten bored before her memories started coming back.

She didn’t know what to think. She didn’t know what to do. She kept crying more than she wanted to. Her master had been killed and her mind had been wiped. She still didn’t remember everything, like where she came from or who her old friends and family were. But she did know more than before. And she could finally think like a normal person… for better or for worse. It felt like for worse as she watched a raven fly by the window.

Astra let out a sigh as her stomach asked her for food. She ignored it for now. It's not like she would die if she didn't eat for a few days. She barely wanted to function anyway.

Astra was supposed to be happy. She was supped to be hyper, strange, and illogical. She was supposed to be out mingling with people to the point it annoyed them. What she was not supposed to do was sit in their shared bedroom not eating. People were meant to eat. Ava did not like this. She would have liked to share with her roommate the joy of gathering more keys, but she could not. It would be selfish in this state. She had slowly put Teddy on Astra’s bed to watch over the girl. Then she had put Porcelain there, hoping it would ensure Astra restful sleep. It seemed the only healthy thing Astra was capable of. She cried a lot.

Ava tried talking to her roommate, but it seemed quite fruitless. Virgo made them both tea, and Ava encouraged Astra to eat. Any time Astra declined tea, Virgo was under strict instructions to make her a small sandwich and encourage her to eat that. It was a strange process, but Ava worried for the girl. She knew that Astra had formed some sort of interest in Ren, from when times had been happier, and she decided to approach the skittish older mage.

Ren certainly was skittish, she was actively trying to hide when Ava came to talk to her, but she finally allowed herself to be found to stop the search. Ren didn’t like that Astra was upset. She wasn’t sure what could have happened to make her act this way, but Ren decided she would try and cheer the girl up. She went to the store that she and Astra had been to and bought a cupcake. It was strawberry and the box had a bow around it. She was very careful walking it home and then knocked on Astra’s door when she arrived. Ren was wearing her hoodie, of course, and a pair of jeans as it was getting colder. She was nervous, going to see anyone was not normal for her, but she did want to try and help Astra. It wasn’t good for her to be so sad all the time, for whatever reason.

When Ren knocked on the door, Astra was shaken from her current favorite activity, which involved staring into space and trying hard to remember the rest of what she’d forgotten, all the while being afraid of what else she’d lost. She blinked a few times at the skiddish knock, pulling her pillow close to her chest and looking at the door. Who could that be? Ava wouldn’t knock. Who else would visit her? In all honesty she would have never guessed that it was Ren, because Ren didn’t exactly go out of her way to visit Astra.

Slowly, she sat the pillow down, checking herself in the mirror. She hadn’t actually cried in a while, so her face looked fine. She never wore makeup anyway, so it wasn’t like anything had run. Her hair wasn’t at its neatest, but Astra honestly looked nice with her hair in its odd short ponytail, whether it occurred to her or not.

Sighing, Astra went to the door, placing her hand on the handle. She was up, she might as well see what whomever was at the door needed. She wasn’t surprised people were worried about her. She just wasn’t sure what to say. Turning the knob slowly, Astra opened the door. Her tired eyes opened wide when she saw the girl in front of her. Ren. She had a crush on Ren. Ren was the first girl she’d ever admitted to liking, if she remembered right. It had been a secret when she was her old self. It was still hard to reconcile what she knew of her old life and her new one, so it took her a moment to put them both together. “Ren?” she greeted in question form. “W-what’s up?” she asked, clearly surprised. She eyed the box with the ribbon on it curiously, though her expression was a lot more serious than people were used to seeing, save for Ava at this point.

It wasn’t uncommon for Ren to visit other people(besides Kotone)… it was unheard of for her to do such a thing. To say that it intimidated her was laughable. She didn’t do this. She never did this. Not only was she doing this, but she’d gone to town, and spent actual money to buy a present for Astra. It was rather… well, it just wasn’t something that she normally did. She knew that Astra was interested in her, and it was… well it was weird. Girls were a little bit less intimidating than men, but girls who openly had a crush on her were terrifying. Especially Astra. She was just so bubbly. The girl who answered the door was not bubbly. She was… confused. Ren bit her lip and looked at the floor. She held out the box.

“I got you a cupcake!” she said immediately, pushing the box toward Astra. It would have been better to just let the girl open the box, surely. It would have also been better to wait until she had gotten past the front door. She blushed, realizing all of this and just kept staring at the floor. Yes, a powerful Lamia Scale wizard… yes, it was clear she… well, didn’t have a handle on social things. She had decided that she liked Astra though. The girl was nice and she was sweet and she liked Ren. Whatever that counted for, it was enough. Ren kept meaning to spend more time with the girl, but things were chaos, and now… well if things were wrong, she sort of felt like it was too late to make nice. That upset her, which was part of the motivation to come see Astra today. If messing things up was enough to upset Ren, she should try to fix them.

“Um… c-can I come in? I… y-yeah… hi…” She should probably stop trying to be tactful.

Astra took the cupcake, opening it with a slight blush. She blinked a few times, not quite sure what to say. Astra wished it was so easy to just be bubbly like she had been before, but with the ability to actually think mostly clearly gain, she actually took a bit of time to think things through before she spoke, which had the unfortunate side effect of making her a bit more hesitant to just blurt things out. Which Astra had she been before her accident? It was incredibly frustrating being able to realize just how much she didn’t remember now. “Thank you,” she told Ren with an honest grin as she looked at the delicious-looking cupcake. “I really like it.” Her stomach rumbled as she looked at it, and couldn’t help but want to eat it.

Then Ren asked if she could come in, and Astra let out a slight squeak of surprise. She moved aside quickly and mostly gracefully. “Of course!” she nodded, wide-eyed. “I’d like that,” she told the girl she was more quietly crushing on sincerely. She let out a happy chuckle though at the awkward hello. “Hiya Ren. I’ve missed seeing you,” she told the girl. She took the cupcake out and took a bite, for once feeling like eating something. “Oh! Sorry, did you want a bite?” she asked, not actually sure if Ren would mind taking a bite from a pre-bitten cupcake. She would happily share though.

Despite the joy seeing Ren bring her a cupcake brought, she still had a heavy weight on her shoulders, and seeing how awkward she suddenly felt compared to ‘normal’ was a bit disheartening. She loved talking to Ren. Being brainless before had made it easier and more sincere. Not that she was insincere in the slightest, but… “So… I guess you were worried about me, huh?” she finally asked the blond girl as she held her cupcake gently in front of her.

Things were hard for Ren. Sometimes people had trouble at school and they came home and cried to their parents… or a pet. No. Ren had no parents. She had no pets. She had no friends. Ren was abandoned everywhere. The one person… well she was gone. Ren refused to think about it. Suffice to say, she didn’t know how to deal with people by now.

Astra was so surprised, as would anyone be getting a surprise visit from Ren. She seemed.. pleased at least. She agreed to let Ren inside and Ren awkwardly stepped inward. She sidestepped and pushed against the wall awkwardly. As little inside, as far out of the way, as obscure as she could be. She wanted to be invisible, which was hard for a girl who knew she needed to be visible right now. She probably would have cried were she a normal person with this much anxiety.

Ren blushed and stared at the ground when Astra said she had missed seeing her. She was offered a bite of the cupcake and she quickly said “N-no… I b-bought it for you… y-you can have it. Unless you… want to sh-share… I’ll… I will then…” she felt so horribly awkward. They were standing there weirdly until poor Astra asked if she was worried.

“Um… A-ava mentioned… y-you… I wanted to visit. B-before then. I meant to. B-but you were gone. I’m not good at… visiting… b-but I did… um…” she gulped, “w-want to… I’m b-bad at… this…”

Astra pushed the cupcake to Ren when she admitted she would only if the somehow shorter girl wanted to share. “We’re friends,” Astra insisted, an equally insistent look on her face. “I want to share with you… in a less creepy way than our last… cupcake… time,” she admitted. “Sorry about that by the way. I think I’m thinking more clearly now.” She blushed a bit at the memory as she gave Ren the cupcake to share. Memories weren’t something she had an overabundance of. She’d rather not regret any more than she already did.

“And it’s okay,” she grinned at Ren with a very Astra-like grin. It was hard to be in a bad mood with her crush standing so near and actually going through the effort of visiting her with presents. “There’s a lot of things I’m not good at, and you’re….” cute when you stammer so much, “er, you’re really nice even if you have a hard time. I wanted to visit you too, I just get preeeetty easily preoccupied,” she admitted, taking another bite of the cupcake.

“I’m getting better at it though. You know, aside from the whole depressed thing. Oh. I got some of my memories back,” she told the girl. “Not a lot, but they’re kind of why I’ve been so sad.” She was rambling. Did she used to ramble? She knew she had lately. Ren was used to the rambling, more or less, so she supposed she wouldn’t worry about it.

Ren fidgeted slightly when Astra insisted that they were friends. “I don’t really… have friends… its um… it doesn’t end well…” she said awkwardly. She probably would have had to accept that Kotone was her friend by now, but otherwise she was pretty awkward about everything. She still remembered how bad it was back then, and she didn’t want to risk anything. It was easier to be alone. And yet… here she was. She took a small piece of the cupcake and nibbled on it awkwardly. “N-not… that… I didn’t mean… it to be mean…” she explained with a sigh.

At least Astra looked happier, and that meant this was helping. Weird as it was. She nodded when Astra said she’d wanted to visit, but got preoccupied, “Yeah… you do that…” she admitted, not sure what to say about it. Apparently Astra was remembering things, and that was why she was sad now, “Oh? Um… w-were they… sad memories or… do you miss something or… um… why do they make you sad?” she asked, still standing there against the wall like an awkward statue. She wasn’t sure what she should say or do at this point, but she was here to make Astra feel happier again. She looked around the room, mostly it was Ava’s stuff, “Um… your room is very… decorative…”

“Well… friends buy friends cupcakes when they’re sad…” Astra insisted a little bit weakly when Ren tried to explain her fear of friendship. By now, Astra knew a lot about it, mostly secondhand or figuring things out for herself, but it was still a bit discouraging all things considered. “Ren I don’t think you could be mean if you tried,” she told the girl with a slight tilt to her head. Her cupcake was temporarily forgotten in her hand again as Ren asked about her memories and also finished up her question by commenting on the decorations in the room.

“Most of them are Ava’s… I’m not really used to fancy stuff of my own,” she admitted, still unable to remember why she didn’t have much. Was she poor? Or an orphan? Both? It was frustrating having only pieces of her memory back with no guarantee she would get anything else to work with. “I don’t think I had much money,” she decided to guess, knowing only that it felt more right to guess that.

“As for the memories… They’re… bad. I remember training with my master, a guildless wizard named Miss Lafleur. I knew her for a long time… several years I think. We were close. And the last thing that happened before I came here without memories was… she was…” Astra suddenly noticed she’d started shaking a bit and her voice was crackling from the unhappy memories. She paused and gulped, trying not to shake. “I’m lucky to be alive.”

Astra told Ren that, effectively, her behavior was that of a friend. Ren fidgeted. She didn’t want friends, even though she did. Astra didn’t understand, and Ren wasn’t going to explain it. She just kept to herself for the time being, trying to wait for the next opportunity to say something without it being awkward. She was told that she couldn’t be mean if she tried. Well, Ren had never tried. Not in her whole life. At best she had been angry when people were mean to Anya, but otherwise she didn’t remember anything. Being mean was pointless, so why do it?

Apparently Ava was quite decorative. Well, Ren had seen the girl, and this news was not even slightly surprising. She was a walking decoration, right? Astra said that she didn’t think she’d had much money. “Oh… w-well that’s fine. You don’t need money to decorate… and money isn’t all that great,” she said, mumbling the last part. Her parents had had money, and she had money that she didn’t use. It wasn’t all that special.

Astra told Ren that her memories were bad. Training with a guildless wizard. They were friends. And… she was probably dead. It sounded like she was dead, according to Astra being lucky to be alive, and how she was trembling talking about it. Ren bit her lip pretty hard, inching forward after a moment. She tentatively put a hand on Astra’s shoulder, then the other hand on Astra’s shoulder, and… sort of encouraging the girl to move closer so she could hug. Ren was really bad at this. “W-well I’m glad you’re alive. And at least… you’re safe here and stuff…” She was trying so hard.

Of course, Astra agreed with Ren. Maybe at one point she’d wanted money or something, but the truth was, she had very little and was happy here at Lamia Scale. That wasn’t really what was on her mind as she relived her master’s death in her mind again. For once she was truly glad not to have a photographic memory. It made it a bit easier not remembering every little detail. At least she was pretty sure that was how a photographic memory worked. Her brain might work better, but she was still Astra, both old and new, and she found there were a lot of things that she either had never known or still didn’t remember. She couldn’t say which.

She noticed Ren awkwardly trying to get Astra to hug her, which honestly caused her to blush. H-hugging Ren? She wanted to… Astra quietly drew in a breath, holding it for a moment as she moved closer for a hug. “I’m… glad I’m alive too,” she told Ren honestly. “Even if sometimes I wonder about it lately… I love it here at Lamia Scale,” she nodded, her face brushing against Ren’s hair as she did so because of the hug. She let go after a moment, trying not to make it awkward. “Thank you Ren,” she told her, feeling the need to give a slight curtsy using her oversized t-shirt like a short dress. It was an honest gesture of thankfulness. “So um… do you want to stay and talk? Or… um… well…” she looked over at her bed with the stuffed toys on it. “I guess I could use some fresh air… if you wanted to walk.” She would need to get changed first, of course, but that wouldn’t take long. And her mood was, temporarily at least, improving greatly.

Ren didn’t remember ever wanting money. It was different though, since she could actually remember basically all of her life. Not the parts way back into when she was very young, but the normal amount. She remembered a lot of bad things, and she tried not to think of the good things. Good things were worse in memories. Bad things at least were past… good things were lost. It was better to focus on Astra right now and try to help the girl out. It was better than just dwelling on her own life like she sometimes did.

Then came the awkward hug. It was so horribly uncomfortable that Ren was a bit surprised Astra allowed it. They did hug, and exchanged some sorts, and them separated. “Um, y-you’re welcome…” Astra said nervously, looking down. She had improved as a person, sure, but she was still a shy little girl in most cases. Especially around anyone who hadn’t seen her grow. She reverted back pretty badly. Astra asked if Ren wanted to stay and talk. Yeah, well… not exactly. It was more important to know what Astra wanted. Ren fidgeted a bit, “Well… what would you like?” she asked quietly. She would be fine staying, either sitting or walking.

Ren was obviously still Ren. Honestly, Astra didn’t want Ren to be anyone else, why would she? Ren was adorable when she was awkward, and she was awkward a lot. Still, she felt bad for the girl always being so stressed and nervous. Still, it was worth the work of digging through Ren’s wall of nervousness if it meant they could be friends. Astra had a lot of acquaintances, but very few friends despite her previous level of social butterflying.

“I’d love to go on a walk with you,” Astra decided after a short moment of thought. “I should get changed first though. I’ve been in my pajamas all day…” she informed Ren. “You can um… stay or wait outside I guess… whichever…” Astra told her. It wouldn’t be a big deal either way if she didn’t have a crush on her, so she decided to pretend it wasn’t, and just do her thing. “I’ll only be a minute or three.”

Astra went over and opened her closet, pulling out her black shirt that revealed her stomach, making a “hmm” noise before putting it back. She needed something warmer for this time of year. Instead, she put on a tighter-fitting t-shirt and a set of black jeans, along with a jacket. She redid her hair, letting it out of the short ponytail and brushing it quickly. She did a much better job than normal. Ava would be proud. She quickly scribbled a note to Ava in case she came back, setting it on the bed. It thanked her for what she’d been doing and just said she was going on a short walk.

She returned to Ren afterword, wherever she had ended up, and gave her what people had called the “Astra grin” before. She “Ready~” she said in a singsong voice, determined to enjoy the moment and worry about her general mood later. “Thanks for walking with me. I know it’s not easy for you,” she told Ren after they’d started walking.

It was probably best for everyone that they not wish Ren to be someone else. She wasn’t capable of acting. Not even a little. The best she could do is calm her nerves to take on work that she did on her own. She had to represent other people when she took on jobs. It wasn’t just about being super uncomfortable and she. She had people looking to her to be Lamia Scale. This was different. This was social. She sucked at social.

Ren nodded shyly when Astra decided that they would go on a walk. At the idea of her changing clothes Ren blushed and quickly went out of the room. For literally anyone, Ren wouldn’t watch them change. Not just because she might be attracted to any of them. Because… no, just no. Because she couldn’t handle it. A minute or three later and Astra was changed into jeans, a shirt and a jacket.

“Um, h-hi…. Again…” Ren said awkwardly when Astra said she was ready. “Um…” she blushed when Astra pointed out that it wasn’t easy for Ren to socialize. “Um… I-I’ll be fine… um… s-so… how do you like living with the fancy girl, Ava?” she asked. Both of those things were relevant. Fancy, and Ava. And it also showed how little Ren actually knew many people in her guild, she was too awkward for it, really.

Astra Creed had had a very similar thought on her mind as she told Ren she could stay or wait outside. Ren did know she had a crush on her, so it made it… different than, say, Ava who was often in the room in the mornings. She was going to try and be adult about it, of course, but it didn’t make her immune to the ideas or thoughts. When she re-emerged, Astra found Ren being just as awkward, but fortunately still there. The adorably shy girl had more spine than she thought she had. Of course, pointing out Ren’s flaw even in a complementary had made her blush. Perhaps it was because it was meant as a compliment was what made her blush. Astra couldn’t help but blush a bit as well when the blond became rosy-cheeked though, asking about Ava as if to change the subject.

“Ava’s a good roommate,” Astra told her happily, putting her hands up to rest just behind her head. She blew her bangs out of her face. “She’s pretty smart, fancy, comes from a rich family, obviously.” Astra shrugged, turning her head to face Astra as she walked. “She’s really thoughtful too. I should probably tell her she did a good job trying to take care of me. She was probably the only reason I had the energy to open the door and say hi after trying to not eat for a few days…” On the bright side, she’d probably lost a pound or two. “She probably thinks I’m really weird though. I mean, I am I guess…” she frowned and stared up at her red streak of hair that was meandering back towards her left eye. “But I’m a lot better, right? I’m not making a fool of myself over you in a restaurant at least…” She blinked and blushed and faced forward. “I mean… yeah, well… you were there… sorry for embarrassing you.”

Being that just about everything made Ren awkward, it was easy to say what was making her awkward. Take your pick, throw the dart and you’d probably hit a correct target. Even with your eyes closed. It didn’t mean you would guess all of the reasons. That was a tricky, tricky thing to do, and rarely actually happened. Rarely? Okay, so it never happened. No one knew enough about Ren to get that far. No one knew what exactly it was that made her tick. They just saw the shadows, but not what was deep inside them. She didn’t want anyone to see that, but sometimes it felt like she needed it. She couldn’t… need or not.

Ren asked about Ava, and Astra said that the younger girl was a good roommate. Ava was smart, fancy, came from a rich family. Yeah, that stuff all made sense. She fidgeted when Astra said she hadn’t been eating. Ren didn’t eat much. It wasn’t something she wanted to admit though. Or mention. Or think about. “Eating… is good for you,” she said weakly. Ren blushed brighter at the reminder of the restaurant, “Um… i-it wasn’t so bad… y-you didn’t mean anything bad by it. Um. D-do you like dancing? I mean watching… er, dancers… or whichever,” she said awkwardly, trying to make sense, but failing pretty terribly according to her own judgment.

Astra scratched her head as she thought for a moment at Ren’s question. Did she like watching dancers? “Er, I think so,” she nodded. “I don’t have everything back, and I haven’t since I woke up at Lamia Scale…” she noted. “Though… I guess the dancing girls are usually cute so I don’t see why I wouldn’t. Seeing as how people are aware I roll that way now and all…” It was weird to think of. Had she been completely herself, she probably would have never said a thing to Ren originally. So now she was a mix of awkward and happy to hang around Ren. Especially since, well, Ren had visited her.

Astra was silent for a moment after that, a blush on her cheeks as she couldn’t help but think of Ren in a dancing outfit, simply because of the context. She knew Ren was really skinny, so it wasn’t quite what one would normally imagine, but... she was fond of Ren so it worked, in an awkward embarrassed Astra sort of way. “Wh-what about you?” Astra asked after a moment. “Do you like dancing or dancers or… something?” She wished she knew more about Ren, to be honest, but most people didn’t seem to know a lot, and if they did they said to get her information straight from the girl, which in the past had proven harder than one would hope.

Ren coughed when Astra said that she “rolled” that way. Oh goodness, Ren couldn’t think of a more awkward way to put that. Honestly, had she ever even said she was interested in women? Was this just something that people assumed? Wait… did they assume? Sure, she visited Astra, and she was nice, but did anyone actually know whether or not Ren liked girls? This was suddenly a very confusing and strange though. A thought that Ren was not about to share. She didn’t want to think of Astra imagining her in a dancing outfit. Ren wasn’t a dancer. She’d never achieved that. She was just… clumsy.

So, Astra sort of liked dancers, but not exactly. It was more that she hadn’t thought about it. Now came something Ren didn’t do for anyone. Why was she even doing it now? She just felt awkward. “Um… W-well… I mean, I’m not good at dancing. I’ve never… been good enough at it. I’m just clumsy…” she said, looking at the ground as she walked. “But… I like dancers… um, my parents owned a theatre for dance performance… it was really big and pretty… I used to watch the dancers…” she explained quietly. She didn’t know if Astra was going to ask about that or if she should say more. There was more, clearly, but Ren was obviously not an open person.

“Are you okay?” Astra asked Ren when she coughed. She almost placed a hand on Ren’s shoulder in case she coughed again or something, but she stopped short and let her hand drop, especially since she did stop coughing. She looked over at Ren curiously, wondering what that was about. She looked forward again, blinking and looking at the scenery as they walked. She’d said something wrong again hadn’t she? Things were never smooth with her.

“I’m not good at dancing either…” Astra agreed. She felt bad for Ren saying she was clumsy. Astra was a graceful small girl, but she didn’t know how to dance at all. She’d probably never had lessons. Not from what memories she did have. “To be fair,” she decided, blushing again, “I’d rather be a little clumsy than say embarrassing things all the time…” she informed Ren as she went on to talk about other things.

Apparently her parents had owned a dance studio, which sounded pretty cool. “I wish I could have seen it…” She admitted. “Though… maybe I did at some point. I don’t know…” she frowned, looking down at the ground in thought. Ren was nice and cute, and Astra had problems. She had memory problems, foot-in-mouth problems, and more. She wasn’t sure why her mind turned to this after wishing she’d been able to watch people dance with Ren as a kid, but… she couldn’t really help it.

“Um… I’m f-fine…” Ren admitted. She hated being asked if she was okay. Not because Astra was bothering her, but because she felt bad. She was worrying Astra, and drawing attention to herself. That sucked. Why couldn’t she just be normal? Well, okay, not normal, she didn’t care to be normal… just invisible. She could practically be invisible when she faded into her shadows, but it wasn’t quite enough. Astra thought she wasn’t smooth? Oh, Astra was much better, with everyone, than with Ren. Ren was just more used to it, maybe.

It was unfortunate that Astra didn’t realize Ren was wrong. She could have been an amazing dancer, with focus. As it was, Ren was amazingly graceful, just with no sort of technique, or confidence. She figured Astra would be good at dancing. “Um… you could take dance lessons… ” she suggested, especially quiet. Astra said she’d rather be clumsy than say embarrassing things. Ren shrugged. “At least you can talk…” she mumbled. She didn’t want to argue about it, or continue talking.

Ren shrugged when Astra said she wished she could have seen it. Maybe she had. Hm. Well, it was possible. Since Astra didn’t remember, she’d probably done a lot of things. “Its all gone now. It was in Era…” she said, explaining that it was in a city quite torn apart from the war. Certainly Astra must have known her history. But maybe not. Oh no, it would be bad if she didn’t understand the reference, Ren looked at her, watching with a sort of concerned look, before adding, “That got really bad… in the war… um… so my parents left…” Right… okay, so that was too much information. Back to staring at the ground. She wanted to say something, distract from the comment. Just say something to change the topic, but Ren wasn’t good at that. She just wanted to be quiet, but she was forcing it.

“Good, I was worried I’d said something…” Astra nodded when Ren insisted she was fine. That was good. Ren did have a point though, at least she could talk, even if every third sentence made her self-concious lately. She was pretty sure she’d been quieter back when she’d had all of her memories. She supposed not all shyness was natural, and more of a learned way of coping with… whatever she’d had going on in her life. Or maybe her personality had just changed when she was attacked that first time… no, don’t think about that right now.

“I don’t know if I’d like dance lessons…” Astra frowned slightly in thought. “I’ve got so much more to figure out now and to do. I mean… maybe if I had someone to take them with… but…” she was pretty obviously just nervous at the idea. Astra looking nervous about something was probably weird. She felt like it was. She was supposed to be bold and just clueless enough not to understand what she was saying might make someone nervous.

“Er, anyway, I’m sorry to hear it’s gone,” Astra told Ren sincerely. “I bet it was a pretty place.” Astra’s eyes widened. She didn’t catch on to certain things, like how Ren said her parents left rather than Ren leaving with her parents. “You know… I’ve tried to make a fool of myself in front of you, but I don’t actually know anything about you… or rather… I don’t know much.” She started rubbing the back of her head nervously. “Er… for the flirting thing… I understand if I shouldn’t… it took me until just now to realize you might not… be like me…” she blushed crimson, stumbling a bit over the sentence.

“Sorry again… I can er… stop.” Not that she had been today, and hadn’t since her memories came back. At least she was pretty sure she hadn’t… had she? She’d lost track of saying she didn’t know anything about Ren when the last thought entered her mind, and was busy concentrating on feeling embarrassed and potentially ashamed.

Lots of people said things, like all the time. Lots of people said things that made Ren anxious or embarrassed. Thy didn’t even mean to, so she didn’t go around taking it personally. She knew Astra meant well, and for that reason, Ren wasn’t going to sit around being awkward about it. She was going to walk around, trying to hide that she felt awkward about it. Yeah, that sounded better.

Astra didn’t know if she’d like dance lessons? I would have liked them, but I was too bad at them… “But… um…. Y-you don’t have to… work all the time. You should do something fun sometimes. Dancing is fun… I mean… I think…” she sighed. It hadn’t been fun when she messed up, knowing she wasn’t good enough for her parents. It hadn’t been fun when they pulled her from the dance classes in their own theatre. It had been fun when she danced on her own, but not when she knew why she had to do it alone.

“Sorry to hear its gone.” Yeah, well, it happened. It was a very pretty place. Astra started talking about not knowing much, and at first she worried it was about her parents. Nope. It was about… oh. Right. Uh. Ren blushed and stared more pointedly at the ground. “Oh, um.. th-that… I dunno. Um… girls aren’t as scary…. I… uhm…. I had a boyfriend,” she gulped, calming her almost shaking voice, “Um… and then I… ended up with Lamia Scale… um…. I d-don’t…” Care? Mind? Oh, she did those things. It did embarrass her. It made her uncomfortable. She wasn’t sure. “I w-wouldn’t h-h-have visited if it was a p-problem.”

Ren thought dancing was fun, huh? Maybe they could… no, probably not. Astra couldn’t tell if she should even flirt with the girl. It was hard to say, but Astra certainly had her hopes. Especially when Ren stammered out that she wouldn’t have visited if it were a problem. It had the side effect of making Astra blush some more. She had no idea what to do about any of it. She’d never had a significant other of any kind… or she didn’t think she did. It would be awkward if she was like, married or something and didn’t remember it. She had a strong feeling in the back of her mind that said this wasn’t so, though.

Astra looked to Ren a little more bashfully than before, looking away quickly. “Okay, well, you know… I’ll… I’ll try not to do anything too stupid or scary…” she told Ren with a nod, brushing some of her hair behind her ear. “I want to be friends at least... or more... I mean... I've never had anyone like... that.” she nodded to herself. Ren was cute. She was… odd, adorable, shy, and pretty, though Astra wished she ate more. She was worried about Ren for how skinny she was, and had been before. She’d just never had a chance to say it. “D-don’t let me being weird scare you off...” She stated it, but was a bit more of a pleading statement than it sounded like.

Yeah, Ren didn’t eat. Her body was eating itself just to survive, but she still didn’t eat. She didn’t know how. It wasn’t natural for her to eat a normal amount. Years had trained her mind to think that she had to stop eating, even when she was hungry. That was just what happened. She hadn’t talked to anyone about it, and she didn’t intend to, but it was noticeable for some people. Much less so, given that her torso and arms were always covered in a hoodie. Or nearly always. Even in the summer she wore that hoodie. It was probably her best friend more than Kotone, but she would have given it up for Kotone… if that ever came up.

So the girls walked in red faced awkwardness, not sure how to handle either themselves or the other. Astra was probably luckier, having no experience in dating. Ren’s experience had been anything but healthy. It was just… well, she didn’t talk about it. Kenji kicked her out, and that had been the end of it. Astra was looking at Ren, but Ren did not falter in her staring contest with the ground. “Its okay…” Ren reminded her quietly. She wanted to be friends. Or more. Ren blinked, losing the staring contest, but starting again, almost tripping on a small rock, then the dirt, and finally recovering into normal walking. “Um…. O-okay, I w-won’t let… i-it…” she admitted. She wasn’t really sure how to talk about this. She didn’t want to date. She didn’t even want friends. That was what she told herself. Astra was always so… direct, even when being embarrassed. Ren just wasn’t sure what to say now.

Astra’s mind was moving a million miles an hour. She had no idea what to do or say. Or rather, she had too many ideas of what to do or say, and had no idea what was a good idea or not. She walked in silence as Ren tried to win a contest with the ground, and she simply let herself fidget nervously. “Th-thanks,” she nodded to Ren when she told Astra it was okay. Her eyes darted back and forth, and she fidgeted with her bangs a bit, though they obviously weren’t going to stay out of her eyes if she was going to also stare at the ground.

“So um…” Astra wanted to press the whole dating idea, but she also didn’t. She was terrified of the idea, and just as terrified of being told no. She knew how she felt, but she was also pretty sure that even if Ren didn’t implode from such a thing, she might. “I don’t want to ask anything you don’t want to tell me… but…” she was wringing her hands out a bit. “What was your boyfriend like? I hope he wasn’t… too mean…” Based on how Ren acted, she doubted Ren had had any luck with boys or friends before she’d come to Lamia Scale. She wasn’t even sure how people ad gotten her to join. “I mean… I’d never be mean to someone I was lucky enough to… I… er…” she shook her head. “Sorry if I’m asking about too private of things… I just want to learn more about you…”